Pints and Picks: Championship Week—empty promises or empty stadiums (or both?)

Each week, during college football season DPB’s Kyle Magin and Andrew J. Pridgen pour on the prose with Pints and Picks™. Who to wager and what to drink while doing it. This week: #championshipweek:

Me again Kyle.

It’s been 14 weeks since we started this mess. Back in the day, I had ideas. I thought UCLA would run the table (they looked unstoppable till Rosen started playing Johnny Be Good in Westwood and it all came to a screeching halt Oct. 3 vs. ASU.) I thought Utah might be the next big thing out of the (Pac-12) South and a 9-3 finish, though nothing to hang their feather-garnished heads about, was still about two games on the side of underachieving. I had low expectations for the Ducks and they proved me right first against Michigan State, then again with a historic loss at home to Utah and finally knotting up their record at 3-3 with a double-OT loss to Wazzu….What happened next? The winged ones got their braces off, ordered up some Proactiv and magically became the smoking hottest the team in FCS for the remaining six weeks of the season.

Clemson was my Ivan Drago spirit animal. Every time I got them to the mat, they popped back up, wiped their nose and said they will break me. After their lackluster show rivalry week against the Gamecocks, I still have faith in *gasp* North Carolina…but more than this, I am perplexed that NOBODY has called the ACC for what it is this season on the gridiron, a handgun-toting, protected swampland, Christian strip club-centric version of the Mountain West with slightly less aggressive out-of-conference scheduling.

Notre Dame finally folded on the West Coast in a final-second loss even the Irish faithful couldn’t even stomach with a chaser of Bushmills. Because of the schedule they have to put together for themselves, ND fans will be at home New Year’s Day jumping into the second act of Rudy on CMT and thinking about what could have been. There is hope. They get Kaizer the King back next year, I hope the shamrocks so don’t tip out all of their Upland Dragonfly IPA in despair.

Oh what a beautiful morning it is for Oklahoma. Boomer is rolling and I’m pretty sure the Blade Runner Vagina Trophy® should be dropped off at All-American Engraving in your hometown’s half-boarded up downtown and etched with their name this week. Texas fans meanwhile can dine out on the Red River rivalry this offseason which is almost as good as a McConaughey Oscar win.

Stanford held the ball longer than any team in the NCAA, but may well prove to be the inferior scorer against an energized 8-4 USC Trojan squad who are a different, more formidable animal than anyone could have imagined six weeks ago. LA Times columnist Bill Plaschke rightfully summed up my sentiments of the season that was upon the hire of interim HC Clay Helton this week: “How to quantify the strength of Helton’s impact? It seems like it was last year, not less than two months ago, when Sarkisian was fired. It seems like it has been several seasons, not several games, since Helton has changed the Trojan culture.”

So look for a 9-4 Pac-12 team to take the conference championship and storm into Arroyo Seco New Year’s Day, lending further credence to the notion that the four-team playoff is excluding a half-dozen schools from the left coast who did nothing but play like possessed Dew-infused gamers week after week after week canceling each other like bad checks to a dry cleaner.

On the homefront Kyle, in spite of a few hiccups, we both wrap the regular season hovering around .600. Not bad for a year in college football that threw more curves than Yordano Ventura with a 1-2 count. The Vegas drones are circling our little snack shack.

…So, let’s keep dancing. Let’s break out the booze and have a ball.

AJ,

I can’t believe we’re already here. I’ve been so enthralled with the playoff chase for the last four weeks that I never really considered the finish line. I agree that we do need to expand this thing–there are, as you pointed out, one and even two-loss teams with legitimate credentials for inclusion–but here in year two I think I can confidently say that we’ve improved upon the BCS system and whatever backroom byzantine nonsense preceded it.

This season will stand out in my memory for three reasons:

The SEC proved mortal. Jameis Winston may have tossed the garlic on that vampire, but the league is driving the stake into its heart. In a bid to catch Saban and the Tide the SEC cast off one of its strongest coaches–then- Georgia’s, now-Miami’s Mark Richt–and nearly tossed out Les Miles, who, mind you, coached the LSU Tigers to a #2 ranking in the nation less than a month ago. In addition to all this strife, the league just wasn’t very good. The Mississippi schools stalled in the passing lane, Auburn is a mess, Arkansas suffered embarrassing defeats and Florida won an eastern division where the five member schools were a combined 3-10 against the top 25. The myth always persists after the monster ceases to be a threat, which is why nobody is really questioning Alabama’s place in the playoffs with one loss, even though we all probably should.

Texas hit rock bottom. AJ, you mentioned the Horns’ win over Oklahoma as sateing the Texas faithful, but the seven-loss squad can’t play defense and appears to be on an extended walk in the wilderness right now. They gave up 30-plus points six times and 40-plus points thrice with their date against the Baylor Bears still looming. Charlie Strong is 10-14 in two years and it’s probably too quick to pull the cord right now so the program will probably implode at some point next season. But, at least then there’ll be hope and a change. For now the Horns bump along the bottom and it’s a weird place to see a team that was once a national power.

The old guard died. Continuing on the thought from above, 2015 will always be the year for me that the last of the teams still riding success from the 2000s without fundamental changes finally sputtered out. Texas is a wreck, Miami increasingly looks more like a regional threat and less like anything resembling a national power and SC learned you can’t just hire your way out of the hinterlands. For those three programs to all be so down at once–three programs that are the premier teams in the country’s three biggest recruiting hotspots–means that we may have finally hit a reckoning. It’s not enough to have a flashy coach with a flashy system, but you actually have to hire someone who’s willing to put in the sweat equity to build something and the courage to perhaps break with tradition and build something new. Jim Harbaugh with his high energy and recruiting camps across the country; Kirk Ferentz discovering and embracing the other 90 percent of Iowa’s playbook; Jim Mora with his anybody, anywhere scheduling mentality. The current state of things seems to favor the adapters, and the old guard better get with the program.

Alright, AJ, who ya got?

Kyle,

Thank you for chronicling the demise of the SEC. I always view them in the context of the Pac-12. In years like this where the Pac-12 played human centipede with each other and the middling SEC provides us with a (sorta) winner, the knee-jerk is the SEC is (again) strong as ever and the West coast (again) got weaker. Even those with a high tolerance for the three-and-out conference of record on the eastern seaboard can admit this season there was just something a little off about whatever was going on in the premiere league east of the mighty Miss, the old miss, the old man….Deeep River….

Uh, sorry. I know I went waaaay over my (original) Vacation reference quota this season.

Looking back Kyle, I’m going to end where I started. Because in this season of tumult, there’s only one thing I know for certain: Going with the dogs whether on week one or championship week…is never a bad thing:

USC +4 vs. Stanford (That place near Great America)

Welp, the Pac-12 has one chance to represent in a field of four and that chance is the heretofore left in the hands of Kevin Hogan. Granted, Stanford’s quarterback led the Cardinal in an improbable 33-second drill to close out one time shoo-in Notre Dame. Of course, I went on record here and here that Stanford would be the Jennifer Aniston to the Irish’s Leprechaun. And, well, it happened.

Similarly USC the second time around is a team out of turmoil (though they went ahead and didn’t hire Will Ferrell as coach as I suggested). Though Stanford technically has the home-field advantage in that Superman cave of empty VC promises that is the stadium that Goldman Sachs, Santa Clara and thousands of worthless PSL’s built, I’m thinking the way things have gone this season in the Parity-12, (not to mention the way USC has rolled in five of its last six—dropping only one to the league’s best team, Oregon), things will end up in Tommy Trojan’s favor.

USC’s defense is firing, holding cross-town and Pac-12 South rival UCLA to a trio of garbage time touchdowns last week. Should the Cardnial kick another last-second field goal to take down the Trojans, Stanford will likely leapfrog the B1G championship game runner up and then leave it up to Alabama or Clemson to lose (could happen) to clear a place at the grown-ups table.

USC, on the other hand, would upgrade from the Foster Farms Bowl (also hosted in that Silicon Valley menagerie that takes four hours to park at) against a 5-7 Cornhuskers to play in Pasadena. Talk about coach to private jet.

North Carolina +6.5 vs. Clemson

Well, here it is. Last chance to bet against Clemson to lose and be right. As mentioned up top, Dabo totally outdid me this year and every time I picked him to fold (Notre Dame, Florida State—though they both covered—he got up off the mat like Brad Pitt in Snatch.) You go Glen Coco ( I mean Dabo).

Here’s what I know about the ACC:

1. Don’t quote me on this, but I’m pretty sure there’s more date rape involving a Gyro complaints filed on these campuses than anywhere else in the world.
2. I have no idea how good the football teams in this conference are. I think they’re somewhere between San Jose State and Washington State-level good.
3. Having North Carolina play Clemson only proves that one of them is maybe OK enough to be the other but…is it basketball season yet?

The Tar Heels have won 11 straight since an opening loss to, you guessed it, 3-9 South Carolina (who took it down to the last possession against Clemson) so, I dunno. A NC win maybe proves the Gamecocks should be in the national championship? Wofford, Appalachian State, Louisville, Miami, NC State, Syracuse, Wake Forest…that’s Clemson’s road to the final four. Compare that to, say, San Jose State who had to get by: Air Force, Oregon State, Auburn, San Diego State, BYU, Nevada Boise State…who scheduled tougher?

Should North Carolina win, they played (a-hem) second-tier opponents in North Carolina A&T and Deleware along with your requisite Virginia, Illinois, Wake Forest, Pitt, Duke and Miami which is probably enough for them to leapfrog Ohio State in the CFP rankings, but if the Cardinal win too, the Heels still may be odd-team out. Stanford, after all, had to run a Pac-12 schedule and face Northwestern and Notre Dame out of conference. Imagine that, a top-tier team scheduling actual games they might lose instead of airbrushing the schedule like a Kardashian’s upper lip.

Michigan State -3 vs. Iowa (Indiana)

A non-dog, but it’s Sparty’s time. This will be my real CFP championship Saturday. I love Iowa and their story and the Spartans keep grinding. Big Ten quarterback of the year Connor Cook vs. future Big Ten quarterback of the year, Iowa’s C.J. Beathard. Sparty’s seniors have the opportunity to become the all-time winningest class in school history with a win (42) and even though both schools can do it in the air, they also love smash mouth (<–the band, not the brand of football) and feature ’90s-style versatile fullbacks and crazy-ass d lines. Time of possession, offensive fronts bending not breaking and a little bit of whatever magic that’s returned to the Midwest gridiron the past two seasons will crown not only a league champion, but put the winner in the hole shot for fame and glory and confetti showers and being in the second B1G to steal that trophy from the clutches of the national media’s embrace.

Kyle, if Oklahoma is a shoo-in at this point I’m hoping for: Michigan State, NC State and, hell, let’s round it out with the Buckeyes for the final four.

Und du?

AJ,

Let’s get to it.

Temple @ Houston -7

This has the potential to be the weekend’s best game. Houston (11-1) holds court at TDECU Stadium in the Bayou City, where they’re undefeated, and Temple (10-2) is coming in hoping to win their first league title in 48 years. Houston isn’t great at home against the dspread–just 3-4 this season with close home wins over Cincy and Memphis–but I think program momentum carries the Cougars to cover Saturday. Houston Head Coach Tom Herman just got a major commitment from a relatively small program this week, with a raise to a $3 million annual salary, and the Cougars are playing for a potential spot in the Fiesta Bowl at home. Temple has had problem sustaining momentum this year, losing its undefeated status to Notre Dame in Philly and its spotless AAC record just two weeks later at South Florida after romping against TCU. I look for the Cougars to keep riding the wave.

NIU +13 vs BGSU (Ford Field)

A season of #MACtion, painful second-tier conference commercials featuring people DEFINITELY not going pro in sports and some pretty good football comes to an end in Detroit Friday night. Bowling Green (9-3) has been the class of the league all year–they’re nearly +200 in point differential and average nearly 6.9 yards per play. NIU is a monster in the red zones on offense and defense–they scored TDs on 76 percent of their visits inside the 20 while holding opponents to just 38 percent. It’s a stretch to think the Falcons will run away from the Huskies.

Florida vs Alabama -12 (Georgia Dome)

Florida (10-2) scored 2 points last week in a loss to Florida State. Yes, Jim McElwayne has taken this program light years from its station during the Will Muschamp days, and yes, Florida’s schedule probably isn’t that much worse than Bama’s, but if Jimbo Fisher holds you to two, Nick Saban’s Crimson Tide (11-1) is not going to cure what ales you. Especially because there’s some sliver of doubt in the air. Saban is not a dumb guy and he knows that Urban Meyer is going to have a pretty convincing argument about Ohio State’s bona fides being more valuable than Alabama’s. I wouldn’t expect Saban to leave an iota of doubt in the Atlanta air Saturday night.

Kyle

Last week: 1 for 3

Overall: 24 for 43

This week:

Florida vs Alabama -12

NIU +13 vs BGSU (Ford Field)

Temple @ Houston -7

AJ

Last week: 4 for 7

Overall: 26 for 42 (one tie)

USC +4 vs. Stanford

North Carolina +6.5 vs. Clemson

Michigan State -3 vs. Iowa (Indiana)

Pints and Picks week 10: Nine picks and a Purple Rain reference

Each week, during college football season DPB’s Kyle Magin and Andrew J. Pridgen pour on the prose with Pints and Picks™. Who to wager and…a whole lot of references that take three reads to get—if only it were worth reading three times (like total. Like three total reads.)

Kyle,

Well, we’re in it now.

This is the 2:20 a.m. at the casino of the college football season for me. Expectations have turned to reality. Money has come and money has gone. The buzz turned to a full-on drunk and now I’m reconciling with those dirty first glances ahead to the next day sun. This is where a choice must be made. The horse that just bucked me is standing right there, waiting, black-eyed and sniffing, daring me to get back on. To me it’s like, I’ve got to even though I know I shouldn’t. Or maybe I’m just telling myself I should and that’s making me feel more one way. Redemption, morality—the thought that some day there is no horse and there is no hot late night and there is no morning to come and dark is dark—that I’m kind of in this hollow and rare space of being able to assert myself by simply making the decision to continue in spite of fact and reason and conduct code. In spite of everything, that space is happening now and oh isn’t it just the fucking best even at its worst.

This frenetic lie we tell ourselves; that aces are waiting at the back of the shoe, that answers can be found underneath the ice—that the cab will come when called and she’ll come back because she said she would—is just that. It’s the promise that it’s not as bad (it never is) as it seems and at the same time that we’re guaranteed another dawn, another 100 from the machine another blind staredown with the dealer whose comeuppance has nothing to do with how I’m doing but everything to do with what they leave with in their pocket divided by what got them there in the first place. They’re just like us. Just metal sparks from a rock hitting the same spoke.

Yes, Kyle. We’re in it now.

And you know that means…That means, SIX FUCKING PICKS this week. Blowing it out like Smash Mouth through a subwoofer. Pour another and give me a backer for my free hand because nothing should stand in the way of a man and his own 2 a.m. reinvention. It’s what we get up for in the first place.

Now go go go go!

AJ,

I’m ready to tackle a rhino after that pep talk, coach. Just point me in the right direction. After two weeks of a holding pattern we’re back into the fray. College football resumes its sprint like a 400 runner coming around that last turn. That’s the analogy I’d use for where we’re at.

We’re coming around the back stretch, when the focus on form and the patience of being as far as possible from your screaming teammates and fans starts to melt away. The back stretch of the 400 was always strange for me–like the most recent two weeks of the season–because you’re in the race but not really racing, you know. You’re just kind of making sure your strides are nice and long, and that nobody is pulling too much away from the pack while you sort out the final push.

My Michigan State Spartans were off on bye to rest up a depleted O-line. Oklahoma State polished the offense for TCU and Baylor in a three-week span. You pass the 200 start in turn three and start to steel yourself. Florida hammered on Georgia to establish themselves as THE force in the SEC East, for however much that’s worth. In that last turn, though, you hear the crowd and pass the 100 start and lose. your. shit. It’s life or death now. Alabama’s title hopes stop here if they don’t find a way to beat Les Miles in the Bayou. Your teammates scream to your left, the crowd on your right, and you’re focused like a laser on the kid in front of you and the footsteps behind. Notre Dame looks to a date with the best Pitt team in decades while Stanford digs deep for what absolutely has to be a flawless finish. Your mouth is wide open, you find that last kick and stretch…

That’s how I hope these next few weeks go. I hope everyone comes into the conference title games exhausted and still rolling at full-throttle. I hope this ends up like the last few weeks of regular season baseball in the NL Central and AL West–a full-on, it’s-him-or-me bloodbath. We both saw the rankings come out this week–some combination of Iowa and Michigan State or Ohio State will have to go through each other, ditto TCU and Baylor, Florida and ‘Bama or LSU, all while Clemson and Notre Dame try to do something they haven’t done much of in decades–finish.

AJ, I’m ready for the starter’s pistol. Who do you have coming strong out of the blocks this weekend?

Kyle,

Five of the six:

Oregon -7.5 vs. Cal

Some call it flip-flopping, some call it evolving. I don’t care if there’s a name for it but it goes something like this: Cal is starting to be Cal again and Oregon is starting to look like Oregon again. To me, this game at Autzen is going to be should-the-Ducks-go-to-the-Vegas-Bowl or should-the-Ducks-go-to-the-Holiday-Bowl moment of the season. I also think Oregon D coordinator Don Pellum’s job is riding on this game. Contain Jared Goff and limit Cal’s mighty gunslinger to 300 yards and three touchdowns (or fewer) and you get one more season to fill Nick Aliotti’s size-18 Nikes. Let the skidding Bears get their groove on at home and start asking if Monster is still around. The Ducks stole one in triple OT in Tempe but have had 10 days to get dialed and get healthy. The final should be sixty-something to forty-something, so take the over.

Washington +10 vs Utah

This is the week to take the dogs at home in the Pac-12. Like families at the end of a Disney Cruise, everyone’s had about enough of one another and have gotten sick off the chocolate fountain and is ready to go to their own, quiet zone in the division. Utah is showing signs of slowing while U-Dub is showing signs of gelling and finally buying into Chris Peterson’s brand of 19-year-old indentured servitude. A straight-up win in Seattle is what the Huskies are looking for this week. Utah QB Travis Wilson has been letting them sail of late and seems much more tired/less mobile than weeks one through three. In the meantime if Washington can bring the same (see: Peterson) offense that broke out for 49 last week against Arizona and get their secondary in gear up for college football’s most exciting Little Mac look-alike (Brit Covey) the 4-4 Huskies can steal one at home.

Pittsburgh +9.5 vs. Notre Dame

With the Irish trying to protect No. 5 CFP ranking and a playoff berth still in their crosshairs with only Stanford standing in the way Nov. 28, this Pitt matchup seems like the natural time for a letdown. I don’t place much credence in the past, but the fact that this game hasn’t been decided by more than a touchdown in a half-decade is telling. The schools are both 3-3 in their last half-dozen meetings and those games have been decided by (ready) a TOTAL of 27 points. Unranked Pitt ain’t half bad either. At 6-2 they’re one of the more overlooked top programs in the country and, oh yeah, Dan Marino (Isotoner season!) is Pitt’s honorary captain Saturday. Lock it up.

Minnesota +23 @ Ohio State

My one loss at the window last week was at the hands of Michigan refusing to show up against a very pumped-up Minnesota squad which seems to want to put a ring real bad on interim head coach Tracy Claeys. The Golden Gophers barely let Harbaugh and co. out of Minneapolis with a W after riding on the back of Prince’s bike and baptizing himself in the waters of Lake Minnetonka (sorry, but I so resisted a Purple Rain all last week). Something about Minnesota’s play last week felt a little bit like a rough draft and I am starting to read a lot between Urban Meyer’s quotes. Granted, Meyer is a master of misdirection so either he’s: 1) Starting to feel not confident in his team and is trying to seem overconfident or 2) the reverse. “Our kids know that. Everybody we face, you’ll hear it’s their biggest game,” he said. -And- “I know this time last year we were 16th and I think everybody’s kind of, at least everybody in our profession is ‘keep going man’. There’s a lot of football (left).” So, who’s he talking about? You tell me. The Gophers kept Michigan at bay most of the game but Claeys and co. haven’t shown they can finish the double-knot before they start running. Either way, this one’s going to be too close for comfort in Columbus.

Michigan State -4.5 @ Nebraska

Kyle, I’mma let you have the descriptions on this one, but MSU wins by 22. Take first half wagering on this especially as Sparty promises to jump out to a two-score lead by the time they’re handing out orange slices and Capri Sun in the locker room.

*Deep breath.*

Kyle, that’s five. A bonus game for the kicker/sixth leg of my parlay. (Hint: it’s of the professional roundball variety).

AJ,

Diving right in:

Notre Dame @ Pitt +9.5

I like the 7-1 Irish to win this game because 6-2 Pitt hasn’t exactly looked convincing over the last two weeks in a squeaker of a W at Syracuse and a loss to North Carolina at home. I like Pitt to cover because even in their worst moments–against Iowa and NC–nobody has come close to covering nine on them, especially not against a hot ND team at Heinz Field where you can probably spot Pitt 4-5 points and work from there. Are the Irish -13 or -14 better than Pitt? Doubtful. You’re looking at strength-on-strength here when ND is on offense. Pitt Head Coach Pat Narduzzi has his Panthers giving up just 138 rush yards per game, 6.6 yards per pass and ball-hawking with the best of the best given their 13.1 yards per interception return on 8 INTs.

Nard-dog has playmakers on that side of the ball and isn’t afraid to use them. I think that’s the thing that keeps this contest close–probably not in Pitt’s favor, but close–for one of the sneaky-best matchups of the weekend.

FSU @ Clemson Under 55

Of 8-0 Clemson’s eight wins this season, exactly one of them is instructive: Their last-minute 24-22, hanging-by-one-pinky-off-the-cliff-nearly-Clemsoning victory over Notre Dame. The rest is just a bunch of ACC hooey including a dismantling of those profound posers the Georgia Tech Yellowjackets. What Clemson has is a prolific offense and defense that can get the job done. You can say similar things about the Seminoles but for one key difference: QB Everett Golson does not turn the ball over and the Tigers’ trigger man Deshaun Watson does. He’s thrown 7 picks against 20 touchdowns, while the much more conservatively-used Golson has just one pick against 11 touchdowns. Look for Clemson to employ Watson in much the same manner: RB Wayne Gallman will do most the work (even some on pass plays, where he’s seen his receiving duties increase in each of the last three weeks on short-yardage plays) and Watson will maybe get the reins in the red zone or on long-yardage situations. Ditto Dalvin Cook for FSU. Expect a tight matchup in Death Valley.

LSU +6 @ Alabama

Leonard Fournette.

(OK, Tigers QB Brandon Harris also opens up all sorts of options for Fournette with his increasingly-impressive passing: on just 11 completions last week he racked up 286 yards including a 67-yard bomb, topping his long plays of 52 and 62 in the two previous weeks, respectively. The kid needs an inch to take a mile.)

AJ, haul this fish into the boat.

Kyle,

Golden State Warriors -3 @ Sacramento

I know. I know. I know.

It’s the Golden State Warriors. The “My son, Luke Walton”-coached Golden State Warriors. The 6-0 defending NBA champs Golden State Warriors. It’s the first week of the NBA and nobody should give a shit…Golden State Warriors. Kyle, since you had to go throw down at a trade show in SF last weekend you saw the Bay Area’s fervor for a winner (sports bars tuned into October basketball instead of October baseball) and you know about Sacramento mayor (and former Phoenix Suns’ All-Star point guard) Kevin Johnson’s $3 billion (with a ‘b’) bet on downtown Sac with a new mini-Staples-style Golden 1 Center in the works, you may care a tad about this one. Maybe? What I care about is Warriors PG Steph Curry vs. Kings PG Seth Curry. That’s right. Double Curry = a lotta spicy (sorry). And even though the NBA (not to mention anything of the Kings’ marketing dept.) hasn’t quite figured out what to do with DaMarcus Cousins…who is to me the most-exciting player you’re not hearing about, mostly because SportsCenter doesn’t have his B-roll till everyone’s gone to bed in Bristol, the Kings have, in fact, earned this close spread. Draymond will D up DaMarcus and that alone is worth the tune in on your NBA.TV. Warriors still win by double digits in this NorCal matchup of record.

AJ:

Last week: 1 for 2

Overall: 14 for 22 (one tie)

Oregon -7.5 vs Cal

Washington +10 vs Utah

Pittsburgh +9.5 vs. Notre Dame

Minnesota +23 @ Ohio State

Michigan State -4.5 @ Nebraska

Golden State Warriors -3 @ Sacramento

Kyle:

Last week: 2 for 3

Overall: 17 for 31

FSU @ Clemson Under 55

Notre Dame @ Pitt +9.5

LSU +6 @ Alabama

East Coast blasé: How the College Football Playoff selection committee’s early bedtime has resulted in ZERO West Coast representation

The good thing about the BCS before it morphed into a #fourteamplayoff was at least the computer didn’t have to go to bed early/wasn’t too blacked out from the Mississippi State/Ole Miss tailgater to make somewhat lucid decisions not based on whether you say y’all unironically.

By Andrew Pridgen

Of the dozen College Football Playoff selection committee members only ONE has any semblance of a notion the Louisiana Purchase ever took place.

That man is Tom Jernstedt, an (alleged) Oregon grad who has been lapdogging so long for the official brand of indentured servitude the NCAA that he can’t be trusted any more than an e-vite to a dinner party at Lando’s Cloud City condo.

Before we look at who the committee is, this is how they voted for the first official 2015 ranking. Conspicuously absent: Any state west of Carrie Underwood’s last tour stop.

1. Clemson: In what world is Clemson ever number one besides in: Warped head coach’s delivering of a strange brand of Christianity to a secular locker room and locals putting weird ‘ps’ between syllables. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but mightily looking forward to watching Florida State roll those tigers this weekend. Oh wait, (scroll down) your AD is on the fucking selection committee? You don’t say!
2. LSU: Fine, put the undefeated SEC team up there, but maybe do it after they beat a ranked team that’s not Florida.
3. Ohio State: Not going to hate on a team that’s undefeated out of the B1G, but what about Michigan State?
4. Bama: See: LSU but with a loss to Ole Miss.
5. Notre Dame: No fucking clue. Even God is annoyed by this domer love and that’s why he’s giving them the gift of Stanford on Nov. 28.
6. Baylor: SMU, Lamar, Rice, Texas Tech, Kansas, Iowa State. Pretty sure Fresno State could run this schedule thus far. Thank God for the great state of Oklahoma.
7. Michigan State: I can’t be mad at a program that had a .02 percent chance of beating Michigan in the final seconds—and did. Why not switch ‘em up with OSU?
8. TCU: See: Baylor, but with more close-calls than dating Chelsea Handler in her 20s.
9. Iowa: Indiana, Nebraska, Purdue and Minnesota to go? How does one get such a patsy schedule in such a strong division?
10. Florida: Clearly there’s got to be something wrong with the stakeholders here (note to self: check out Gatorade prospectus and cross-reference selection committee with current board members.)

Now, onto this klatch of Sonic gift card recipients, Duck Dynasty box set owners and self-anointed deciders:

• Jeff Long, Director of Athletics, University of Arkansas-Fayetteville: I’m assuming Arkansas-Fayetteville is your first-choice school when you can only draw, not spell, Razorback.

• Barry Alvarez, Director of Athletics, University of Wisconsin-Madison: Seems like a friendly sort until you check out the WSJ’s strange cabana-centric puff piece followed by a make-up expose of Alvarez claiming he “didn’t know” and didn’t take action when John Chadima, his former associate AD and known crotch-grabber, supplied alcohol to underage students using funds from donations to the department. After he got all hammered, Chadima would make sexual advances toward male student employees and then threaten to fire them when they didn’t comply. Why’d you put Notre Dame up so high Barry? I don’t know! I’m in the cabana!

• Lt. General Mike Gould (ret.) Fmr Superintendent of USAF Academy: Military guy. Fine, gotta have someone around to take the Qdoba order.

• Kirby Hocutt, Director of Athletics, Texas Tech: Apparently Jeff Long didn’t cover the Red Neck quota.

• Tom Jernstedt, Former NCAA Executive VP: On here between dry cleaning runs for Mark A. Emmert; hard to believe Jernstedt is actually interested in a sport that doesn’t involve shredding documents.

• Bobby Johnson, Former HC Vanderbilt: Good ol’ Boy Archie Manning’s good ol’ replacement on the committee.

• Tom Osborne, Former HC University of Nebraska: Oh my god, I was just playing the legendary college football head coach dead-or-alive drinking game. I guess I had Osborne confused with Bo Schembechler.

• Dan Radakovich, Director of Athletics, Clem(p)son: This is starting to make more sense…

• Condoleezza Rice, Stanford professor/professional endless war starter: No wonder the woman responsible for the birth ISIS is involved in this mess.

• Steve Wieberg, former reporter USA Today: I remember trying to read one of his columns in the amount of time it took me to take a dump at the Courtyard Scottsdale Salt River. Let’s just say, he flushed the lede.

• Mike Tranghese, Former Commissioner, Big East: Not sure how a former commissioner of a former conference is in a position to make real-time decisions about things that exist… besides the fact that his fax machine resides in the right time zone.

• Tyrone Willingham, former Notre Dame HC bust: Those who can’t coach for God then get their contracts bought out and vote for him. Excited for Charlie Weis to take his spot on the committee next year.

 

Pints and Picks Week 8: We just realized everyone reads this column in their own voice and that’s probably why it doesn’t make much sense

Each week, during college football season DPB’s Kyle Magin and Andrew J. Pridgen pour on the prose with Pints and Picks™. Who to wager and what to drink while doing it. Here we ask the eternal questions: What matters less the least? The second season of How to Make it in America, hitters in the playoffs or the Big 12?

Kyle,

Well, we’ve come to college football week 8. The blush, as they say, is off the bouquet and we’re fully in-season. If you’re me, that means three things: 1) The Oregon Ducks can disappoint you by losing AND winning. 2) Aforementioned Ducks are projected for the Las Vegas Bowl Dec. 18 which means my Christmas present to myself will be making mistakes in Vegas the week before I have to face my extended family and 3) There’s a good shot no Pac-12 team will be in the ‘final four’ or the playoff or whatever which brings me back to my original argument against the four-team ‘playoff’ format last year. That it’s not a playoff as much as it is an arbitrary jumble of who had the easiest schedule (I’m looking at you Big 12 and ACC).

That’s right Kyle, while I’m totally alright with Ohio State, Alabama, Utah and…OK, Baylor—sure— being in that rarefied field; the prospect of waking up New Year’s Day to watch smackdowns of TCU vs. Clemson and FSU vs. Baylor is giving me the night sweats worse than menopause. I mean, a quartet like that is worse than anything the BCS ever brought and the BCS brought plenty of bad. And to be clear, the playoff system wasn’t as much the NCAA doing away with the BCS as it was a rebranding of it and creating a single-elimination game within the construct of the same bowl system.

Yes Kyle, you hear a lot here–but you’re hearing this here first: If the FBS quartet of chosen ones doesn’t shake down to this year to include a Pac-12 (even a one-loss program) a SEC (ditto), a B1G school then the whole thing’s for naught. I never thought I’d be an apologist for the SEC, but there you go. Also, this is where I usually plug the Pac-12 as the strongest top-to-bottom division, but I’ll back off a bit from that this year (if only because I’m not sure Cal’s not going to fold under the pressure of newfound expectation, UCLA and their Rosen One—for now—has come back down to earth, everyone’s onto Oregon, Chris Peterson’s Huskies are still pretenders, USC needs Eric Taylor stat and Stanford is the most mediocre on paper but apparently the best of the lot this side of SLC….)

So I’ll sub that out with the B1G being the real conference of record this year. Iowa looks like their front seven can out-swim you and then close down a Golden Corral by emptying out its walk-in before the end of the lunch shift. Michigan State has Michael Landon on the sidelines willing them to something-beyond-explanation. Ohio State keeps winning in spite of looking completely disinterested in holding onto the football. Michigan is formidable once more and Penn State and Northwestern, though fading from the conversation, are in any given half though rarely two in a row, the best programs in the country.

Phew.

So week eight to me means one thing: I’m running out of time. I’m running out of time for any team with the tiger as a mascot to lose. I’m running out of time for TCU to start running out of magic tricks. I’m running out of time to be able to keep ignoring Baylor. I’m running out of time to hope that Cal and UCLA don’t ever have to play one another… basically, Kyle, I’m running out of time to believe that I’ll have any interest in college football after…what date was that again? Oh yeah, Dec. 18.

AJ,

Steady on, old boy. Things look bleak today, sure. But that’s because everybody is just kind of circling each other right now. There’s only one ranked-on-ranked matchup this weekend. It’s the deep breath before the dive and the fistfight over who’ll determine the final four come December.

Look, we’ve still got TCU-Baylor on the schedule (and hell, matchups for both teams with undefeated Oklahoma State in upcoming weeks), Bama-LSU, Michigan State-Ohio State, Clemson-FSU and a handful of other showdowns that’ll introduce a little chaos into the system and open it up for the real cream to rise to the top, hopefully from the conferences you mentioned. We’re in a holding pattern right now, but soon enough the knives will come back out and we’ll get to whittling.

I of course say all this with the undeserved pompous air of a man who’s found temporary serenity. Last week I was a mess before MSU-Michigan. My Spartans were an underdog to the Wolverines and I have to eat copious amounts of crow anytime State loses these days. I spend weeks shitting on Michigan and its fanbase and the immediate period after every victory going through my phone and texting/calling to harass every UM fan I know. My personal Facebook page has been a sore winner’s handbook this week. Owning up to all this shit-talking is almost more frightening at this point than an MSU loss. I know coach Mark Dantonio will prepare even his thin squads (which are few and far between these days) to have a puncher’s chance against any B1G opponent. But with Michigan coming on far ahead of schedule under Jim Harbaugh, I clammed up last week. I didn’t really say much to my UM buddies ahead of the matchup. All my paranoia–the inferiority complex that got baked in so much as a child, before the Tom Izzo and Dantonio regimes made it obsolete–hung heavy over the proceedings. I ‘watched’ most of the second-half from my phone, too nervous to acknowledge that the rivalry was really back, and with any rivalry there is a good chance of ending up on the losing end for it to count. I didn’t really believe the final score until the third or fourth time I saw Jalen Watts-Jackson tote the rock into the endzone on replay. Then I lost my shit.

Now, with an exposed Indiana squad on the schedule (though I’m not totally looking past them), I view the landscape currently with a plutocrat’s indifference to a bread line, rather than the there-but-for-the-grace-of-God-go-I grounded viewpoint I should be adopting.

The way I see it, leagues with soft underbellies like the Big 12 and ACC get one or two games to prove their worth before the committee (if it’s just.) That’s it. Baylor, TCU, FSU and Clemson’s margins for error are so much more comparatively slight than one of the big boys from the Pac 12, SEC or B1G who will come in to state their merits bruised and panting. Again, we’re relying on the justice of an organization known for its capriciousness in the NCAA, but last year’s selection seemed pretty pragmatic. So, since your fears aren’t totally unfounded, maybe start rooting for Mike ‘I’M A MAN’ Gundy and his 30-plus points per game offense to lob grenades at Baylor and TCU in November. Clemson should Clemson by then and we all know that September-October Everett Golson can be a very different beast than November-December Everett Golson. Keep the faith, my friend.

Kyle,

Thanks for bringing me back. I feel like this is my Reuben Tishkoff (<–why isn’t Elliott Gould in every movie from now till he dies?) from Ocean’s 13 moment when he thanks Don Cheadle’s Basher Tarr for “Bringing (him) back.” You know, “the moment you become embarrassed of who you are, you lose yourself. I changed my house, the way I dressed, the way I ate—for what? For nothing.”

So yeah, I’m gonna be me. Gonna re-find myself in time to re-enact my Vegas Bowl performance of 1997 where I yelled profanities at a horse cop because he was a cop…on a horse; got asked nicely, then not so nicely, to leave Sam Boyd stadium after using the track to do laps for no reason during the third quarter; once outside, found (yes, actually ‘found’) an abandoned beer tent where the kegs were still tapped and drank my fill with about a half-dozen buddies and a homeless Paiute and then ended up (on a dare…I think the dare was something like: ‘I think you should swim across the Treasure Island moat’) swimming across the Treasure Island moat. It was glorious. And I’ll be not embarrassed of my best/worst self cheering on the best/worst version of the Ducks come December should the c-list bowl game stars align.

More importantly, you restored my faith (a wee bit) in the system. In the also-rans and should’ve-beens sorting themselves out over the next three or four weeks. Of course Clemson is going to lose and TCU is going to get dropkicked and Baylor will stumble. Of course LSU shows its true colors against an overachieving Hilltoppers squad (more on that below) and of course Utah runs the table as Wittingham refuses to be denied. Right? Right?

And even if he doesn’t, I still have about 10 more days of fall baseball. And then, I don’t know what then. I kind of feel the same way about this baseball season as I do Amy Winehouse. Like I kind of took it for granted while it was here and now that it’s about to leave I’m discovering its true genius. As the years grind on, I will recall it with fondness, in spite of—or maybe because of—the Cubs’ somewhat early seeming exit this magic and transformative MLB season that was.

With that, a couple college football picks building up to my big finale—the WS pick:

Utah State -7.5 @ San Diego State

Utah State is fresh off a win whoopin’ ass at home vs. Boise, almost upset in-state rival and future no. 1 Utah and lost a closer-than-it-looked slugfest to a schizophrenic Huskies squad who seemingly have given up on Chris Peterson this year more publicly than the showrunners of season 2 of How to Make it in America. San Diego and their raft of young talent got taken to task by Fresno State but eventually prevailed. Though both schools are atop their respective Mountain West Divisions (SD – The Mountain West – West and Utah State – The Mountain West – Mountain) it is the Big Blues that will give the Aztecs a clue (get it?) about who’s the real contender Friday night. Even Utah State coach Matt Wells admits his Aggies are “in the driver’s seat” in the Mountain Division race. The reason: Utah State can score, fast. The three of you who have the kink-sounding FSNMW will recall they were up early 10-3 against BSU in the first quarter and then for whatever reason decided to turn Doc Brown’s afterburners on (sorry, had to do one #BTFweek reference) at Maverik Stadium to jump up to a 45-10 halftime lead before putting it back to cruise at 67. SDSU has a couple of seasoned DBs that could slow the Blue’s air attack ever so slightly but their front seven isn’t nearly as physical (what’s with Utah being the source for linemen of late?) and I expect a 20-point lead to surface by the third quarter.

Western Kentucky +17 @ LSU

Sort of meat dangling from the bettors’ tree with a hidden net under it here but I’m taking the bait and the spread. LSU could well open it up in the second half and take the W by 24ish points. But I’m not banking on it. It’s not so much that this is a classic ‘trap game’ (it is) but it’s that Western Kentucky (6-1) is legit. Look no further than future fourth-rounder/Pro Bowler Brandon Doughty (who reminds me of Daughtry, which is awful). Doughty who’s like 37 (6th-year senior) has his 6-1 Hilltoppers rolling atop Conference USA (<–which I, no joke, actually used to think was a semi-pro football league owned by the USA Network). Doughty led FBS last year with more than 4,800 yards in the air and 49 touchdowns and already has more than 2,700 yards on his bedpost this year with 24 teeders. Whoa. And guess what? LSU’s secondary is uncharastically awful this year. Granted, the Tigs get senior free safety Jalen Mills (fractured fibula) back this week after almost a year rehabbing, but don’t expect him to bulldoze in this SEC snoozer. Hilltoppers may not come out of Baton Rouge with a W, but they should provide the faithful with plenty-a-pre-Halloween scare.

All right, Kyle. My WS pick on the other side.

AJ,

Ah-ha! Props for digging into the Mountain West. I see your second-tier West Coast football and raise you a little #MACtion…

Bowling Green -14 @ Kent State

A warm-ish, rainy afternoon is in store for Kent, Ohio Saturday as the 3-4, 2-1 Golden Flashes try to knock 5-2, 3-0 Bowling Green out of sole ownership of first place in the MAC’s Eastern Division. There should be about 5,000 people in the stands, and the Flashes are going to have a hard time of it. While Bowling Green has done a majority of its offensive damage through the air this season (24 TDs passing vs. 17 rushing) it’s still a competent rushing team (4.1 yards per rush, 50% conversion rate on 3rd downs), which is a key factor on slippery days. Add to it the fact that Bowling Green leads the league in turnovers and points off turnovers at 112 and its generally terrible defense almost negates its inability to stop anybody (they give up 32.6 ppg). The Falcons are 5-2 ATS this season and KSU is 3-4, so that about wraps it for me.

Indiana @ Michigan State Under 62

The 4-3 Hoosiers are averaging just 20 points on the road this season and have lost three straight since surging to a somewhat conspicuous perfect record heading into their loss to Ohio State three weeks ago. A game in the October rain in East Lansing is no place to cure ills. The Spartans are coming off their most exhilarating win this season but have cracked 35 points just twice this year and (last week excepted) haven’t been getting much help via takeaways or special teams. I look for a low-scoring affair with the Spartans playing keepaway with the ball. They force fumbles at a high rate (12 with 6 takeaways) and reciprocate by not turning the ball over much at all (just 3 TOs this season.) AJ, when the weather turns in EL, they’ve got the perfect answer with an offense that controls the ball by more than a four-minute margin and converts nearly half of their third downs.

Kansas @ Oklahoma State -35

Vegas is begging, pleading, down-on-their-knees for you to bet 0-6 Kansas, a team that is 2-4 ATS this season and getting mollywhopped by everyone from Lubbock to Brookings, SD. They’ll point to an almost respectable Jayhawks 20-30 loss against Texas Tech last week. Peel the onion back a layer further, though, and look at that 66-7 stinker against Baylor at home the week before. That’s your instructive moment for this game, as Baylor and Oklahoma State are a little more analogous. The Pokes are 6-0 and rolling at this point in the season. They’ve amassed 25 sacks, led by DE Emmanuel Ogbah with 8 for a total opponent loss of 37 yards. Kansas has given up a little more than 2 sacks a game and lost a total of 113 yards. They convert on third downs just 39 percent of the time and manage just 132 rushing yards per game, so OSU’s defense will be teeing off on Jayhawks QB Ryan Willis. Hide the women and children in Lawrence.

Texas A&M +5.5 @ Ole Miss

AJ, it’s gotta be disheartening to live in Oxford these days. The script is so vile: Hugh Freeze assembles the defense from hell, said defense wins the September National Championship then starts blowing chunks at some point in October. Rinse, repeat. 5-1 A&M rides into town after a loss to Alabama that was rough but nowhere near as gut-wrenching as the 5-2 Rebels’ 37-24 stomping at the hands of Memphis last week. Grisham doesn’t write Southern tragedies that vicious. It’s got all the hallmarks of last season’s late-season free-fall, where the Rebs went 2-4 in their last six. Neither team really has momentum, but nobody falls apart with the panache that Ole Miss does. The Rebs got murdered in time of possession last week by nearly 14 minutes, struggled to cover kickoffs and gave up two huge interceptions. They’re showing all the signs of a team falling apart, and I fully expect Kevin Sumlin to take advantage.

Alright AJ, we’ve both been enthralled by baseball’s postseason, who ya got?

Kyle,

Mets in 5

The 2010 Giants went into the World Series as underdogs against the power-pitching, spray-hitting and smooth-fielding Texas Rangers. The Giants enjoyed home-field advantage and quickly notched game one with back-to-back Cy Young winner Tim Lincecum taking his still-elastic body to task against country hardballer and fellow Cy Younger Cliff Lee. It was a couple walks in the fifth that set up Cody Ross and Aubrey Huff to hit back-to-back singles which knocked Lee out of the box during an eventual six-run inning and set the tone for the Giants to take the series in five, clinching at Texas.

Why do I bring up 2010? Because the 2015 Mets are the EXACT SAME TEAM as the 2010 Giants. They’ve got three four of the best pitchers in baseball. Cagey veteran Matt Harvey, exactly two years removed from Tommy John, in the role of Matt Cain. And young guns Emilio Estevez and Kiefer Sutherland Jacob deGrom and Noah Snydergaard are the 2.0 versions of Madison Bumgarner and Tim Lincecom. Throw in reliable like a ’90s Honda Accord Steven Matz, AARP coverboy Bartolo Colon and a bullpen anchored by Mr. Steady Acquisition Tyler Clippard (see: Jeremy Affeldt/Javier Lopez) and baseball’s best current closer Jeurys Familia (see: Brian Wilson) and, well, there you go.

Do I even need to talk about the miracle bat of Daniel Murphy or the emergence of Michael Cuddyer or the Robin Williams-with-a-beard-in-a-dramatic-role-style awakening of Curtis Granderson? No. No, I don’t. Because baseball in the last decade has transitioned to such a pitcher-centric sport in the playoffs, I’ve decided that #hitterslivesmatter should start trending; especially in light of the Cubs’ demolition.

But if you must press it a step further, Terry Collins is up there with Boch and Matheny as the game’s current best between the lines and is about to join Davey Johnson and Gil Hodges as the only Mets managers to win it all. He’s got the young and dumb arms. He’s got the nice mix of veteran bats and wily position players and he’s got the reverse-home-field-advantage that has propelled the NL to take five of the last seven world titles. Split the first two on the road, take two of three (or maybe all three at home) then split on the road if necessary. AL teams don’t seem to enjoy the advantage of hosting with a DH as much as they’re affected by the disadvantage of having to manage around it on the road and neither Ned Yost nor John Gibbons seem to have much going on in the way of strategery other than shrugging and saying, “We’ll just put our best nine out there and see what happens.”

Or, let me put it like this. You’re arriving back at Citifield down two games and your reward is…facing Matt Harvey. Hell, both deGrom and Snydergaard can go on one-day’s rest. Ask Bumgarner and Lincecum and Cain what’s worse, shortening your career by three years by throwing out your arm in the post-season or having to weigh that same arm down with a trio of rings for the rest of your life.

Kyle, I know you’re an AL apologist, so now it’s your turn to take us home telling me about how Cueto and Ventura or a murders’ row of LaBatts-swilling Canucks can derail this battery from Queens.

AJ,

It’s tough to know how this will shake out before we know who wins the AL (HEDGE ALERT!), but of course I’m going with the junior circuit’s representative. Why? Because I know, all too well, what happens when a team has a long layoff heading into the finale. The Detroit Tigers were the first team to clinch a berth in both 2006 and 2012 (leading to 7 and 6 day layoffs, respectively) and it didn’t work out too well. The Mets clinched their spot on Wednesday and will have to wait until Tuesday to play again.

At worst, the Royals will have just three off days until the showdown starts, at best, Toronto or KC goes into the series with just two off days. That means the hitters keep their all-important rhythm and no pitchers face potential 8-10 days off between work in the cool late October air.

The Mets have been on a hell of a run, but now it’s been disrupted. There are no sliders with bad intentions for Daniel Murphy to golf to the moon. There are no hitters standing in against Jacob deGrom’s vile-ass stuff. Look for an AL team to come in, with their lathered-up home fans in games 1 & 2, and put the Mets on their heels. AL in six.

The PNP Recap

Kyle

Last week: 1 and 3

Overall: 12 for 24

Texas A&M +5.5 @ Ole Miss

Kansas @ Oklahoma State -35

Indiana @ Michigan State Under 62

Bowling Green -14 @ Kent State

AL in six

AJ

Last week: 1 for 2

Overall: 13 for 18 (one tie)

Utah State -7.5 @ San Diego State

Western Kentucky +17 @ LSU

Mets in 5

Photo: HBO

The brilliant end of the Southeast’s stranglehold

The Ohio State vs. Oregon college football championship Jan. 12 in Jerry Jones’s basement game room is causing more heartache in football’s America than Papa John’s Fritos Chili pizza.

Because, well, it SHOULD’VE been Bama and FSU. The BCS WOULD’VE given us Bama and FSU. And two weeks ago nobody COULD’VE believed it wouldn’t be Bama and FSU.

Yet, the semi-final games were played and it’s very decidedly never going to be Bama and FSU.

That Nor’easter nipping at your neck is everyone west of the place that decided a president by the margin of a piece of confetti in 2000 breathing a collective sigh of relief.

And the crosswind is a pair of decisive victories by Oregon and Ohio State breathing life into the notion that a four-team playoff—at once incomplete in its infancy while adding heft to the notion college football is about as close to an amateur enterprise as amateur porn sites—is thus far working.

The decisive semi-final outcomes resulting in this unlikely pairing is such a disturbingly better match up than the prospect of a traditional Southeast-themed championship that it can only be the result a couple decades of gears turning toward college’s fringe, rather than sheer luck or fate intervening on Jan. 1.

Oregon, a program on the rise since Rich Brooks roamed the sideline and title sponsor Nike’s best-selling sneak was coined for a man named Penny, is still routinely maligned by the blubbery pundits as gimmicky; versus Ohio State, resurrected and spit-shined from the 2011 rubble of Jerseygate by one Urban Meyer—known from his Utah days to now as a little flavorful and gimmicky himself.

But these gimmicky West Coast-based blend (not bland) spread offenses and other erstwhile ignorable programs which color outside the margins and the hashmarks (think: Marshall, Boise State, Utah State, Baylor and TCU) will grow in number and remain venerable for the following reasons:

• The SEC’s patsy out-of-conference regular season schedule does come back to bite it (or at least took a chunk out of Vegas) during bowl season: Mississippi State, which was one game away from being named the second SEC team in the final four, was trounced by ACC also-ran Georgia Tech in the Orange Bowl joining other top SEC programs Auburn (34-31 loss to Wisconsin in the Outback Bowl) and LSU (31-28 loss to Notre Dame in the Music City Bowl) in this year’s SEC bowl bust…a parade of futility whose grand marshal was Ole Miss. The school with a secession-era mascot less than two months ago stood tall with Bama and Mississippi State as three of the top five programs in the nation. Then they got waxed like Andy Stitzer by, who else? Final-four odd-team-out TCU. The 42-3 final score doesn’t take into account TCU suited up the band for the fourth-quarter SEC mercy rule and the Rebs still barely avoided a shut-out with a late field goal. On the bright side, new-to-conference Missouri does run a very fresh-looking offense under second-year coordinator Josh Henson. Though the Tigers lost to Bama in the SEC title game it was more at the behest of head coach Gene Mauk’s conservative play calling which loosened up ever-so-quietly as Mizzou took down the Golden Gophers of Minnesota at the Citrus Bowl.
• College football’s parity is just beginning to show not only because Oregon and Ohio State represent teams with progressive coaches who run progressive schemes, but because the regions slowest to embrace football as a track meet or ballet not a heads-down Smashmouth scrum are going to continue to lose. And by lose we don’t mean just 42-3, we mean lose athletes, lose alumni support, lose programs. The spread is quickly becoming the offense of choice of high school football because it plays faster, smoother and more athletic/watchable than the rendered fat amorphous blob of your grandfather’s single-wing attack. Well-publicized head injuries and the expense of equipment has dropped Pop Warner participation numbers almost 15 percent since 2012. Nutrition, conditioning, speed and sportsmanship are the new pillars of youth sports which doesn’t leave much room for molasses asses and barking coaches. Prep football programs will still cherry pick some of the school’s best athletes, but gone is the propensity to want to hit and be hit. Scrambling brains and sacrificing joints truncating careers in track, soccer and swimming—sports student athletes can more likely excel at at the next level—no thanks.
• Recruiting and appeal is no longer regional. The rest of the country, specifically the West, has quietly caught up with and surpassed the Southeast on defensive size and speed, offensive schemes, coaching prowess and practice facilities. Oregon’s current top two commits are from Missouri and Georgia and another five of their top 10 hail from Southern California including guard Zach Okun, skill position player Malik Lovette, defensive tackle Rasheem Green, defensive end Keisean Lucier-South and inside linebacker John Houston Jr. Stanford, USC, Washington, UCLA, Arizona and even Utah are ever closer to tipping the scales of in-state/out-of-state recruits to even, each taking big chunks from yesterday’s stay-home football states Texas, Florida, Alabama and Louisiana.

Still, it is a transition moment. And this year, to much of sports nation, the Buckeyes/Ducks sounds like an aberration, a great Holiday Bowl match up and not much else. But that’s the same “Oh, it’s just one comet” mentality that did in the first set of dinosaurs.

Recruits will continue to migrate to the West and regardless of tradition and a TV contract, the ONLY thing the Southeast has in store for the rest of the country henceforth is Sperry topsiders and blotchy frat guys screaming in the Gameday broadcast backdrop with crooked hats and half-empty Solo cups to house their beery tears.

And no, one disastrous bowl season combined with emergence of a four-team playoff does not spell the end for the biggest conference in all of amateur sport. What it does show is SEC has much more to prove in coming seasons than they’d like to admit. Without change, the very distinct, very recent memory of relevance could be the only salve as the search continues for a schedule replacement for University of Alabama-Birmingham 

A timezone stranglehold on an arcane cable highlight show no longer matters and neither does the old guard in a burgeoning meritocracy spawned by manifest destiny and the possibility of more than 700 really ugly uniform combinations per game.

Though it may already be too late for some storied programs because change—a college football first in the first year of a playoff—has already taken place.

 

What a silly, greedy, corporate mess college football has become with a four-team playoff

In a blind mad rush to further commoditize and professionalize amateur sport, we’ve taken college football, destroyed it with the BCS and then shit all over those ruins with the playoff system.

Prior to the playoff system, bowl games were decided by the Associated Press and UPI polls, an assemblage of writers and coaches. Bowl games were set with the rankings and tradition in mind. Each year, without controversy, a national champion was crowned.

From 1936 to 1997 the two polls at the end of the season didn’t mesh 11 times—an 85 percent success rate over six decades. So what if there were multiple champions crowned? That just meant more than one team had a really great bowl game and claim to a share of the title.

In the decade and a half of the BCS, there was controversy over the eventual taker-homer of the big giant football crystal ashtray EVERY year of its existence.

That’s a 100-percent failure rate.

This year’s four-team College Football Playoff™ playoff with the new upside-down-unicorn-horn-which-blooms-into-a-football-vagina-on-top trophy is merely a re-branding of the BCS’s unfulfilled wishes.

The playoff’s participants are all 10 conferences, as well as the FBS Independents (yes, they capitalize the ‘i’—whatever, they’re not the College Football Grammarians™) like Notre Dame and BYU. The new entity which represents the schools is called the CFP Administration, LLC. Nobody knows much about this corporation other than that it’s based in Irving, Texas and it’s a company that makes money off college football; so they’re kind of like a bookie, but legal.

The College Football Playoff™ site (which I think my cousin registered in like 1998) also lists a Board of Managers, Management Committee, Counsel and College Football Playoff staff as deciders in “the execution of the playoff.” Spoiler alert: apparently they kill the playoff at the end.

The computer which helps tally the results is pretty much the same—think of the BCS as the Craigslist of rankings devices: Janky, yet the only thing out there pretty much. The key voters/committee members also make up the Board of Managers and the Management Committee and the Counsel and College Football Playoff staff are pretty much the same. See: sexagenarians whose wealth of experience is likely only matched by present-day inefficiencies and hang-ups (Tom Osborne? Check. Mike Tranghese? Check. Pat Haden? Check. Tom Jernstedt? Check. Archie Manning? Check.) Oh, and Condi Rice is in too so the class photo isn’t all Haggar slacks and Cialis bathtubs.

And the format is the same. Only now, the two finalists get a pair of marquee bowl match-ups instead of one = $$$ for those schools along with the LLC.

The number four-ranked team will face number one and number two will face number three at the Rose Bowl and Sugar Bowl on Jan. 1. The final will be Jan. 12 at the Dallas Cowboys’ AT&T stadium and then Arizona the next year then Tampa then back to Texas or whatever.

A look at the brief and tortured history of the BCS reveals the problems never arose from the teams in bowl games from the one through four slots—they came from everywhere else: Bowls skipping over worthy schools and bidding others with more money, bigger alumni bases or a conference cache; big-program coaches launching campaigns for their schools to leapfrog or upend smaller-conference challengers with better records; coaches forced to run up the score to mesh with the computer’s algorithm for purported excellence and idle schools leapfrogging schools who lost their conference championships—penalties for playing in to a playoff.

That’s exactly what’s happening this year, but with potentially more big players getting left out.

If the final four were announced today, it would go something like this: No. 2 Oregon would play no. 3 Florida State and in a please-wake-me-when-its-over moment for the entire nation save for one very red region east of Biloxi, no. 1 Alabama would play no. 4 Mississippi State. At least this prohibits an all-SEC final and the ratings Hindenburg of 2012: Alabama 21, LSU 0 …thirteen people watched the game in its entirety and that’s because the hotel bar remote at the Shreveport Homewood Suites was broken.

This leaves out one-loss TCU, Baylor and Ohio State—all of whom deserve to be dancing as much as the current top-four (we’re especially looking at you Florida State and the rest of the ACC’s ability to supremely fold in the second half). Small-conference but can-play-with-anyone Colorado State with one loss and undefeated Marshall would also prove the new LLC includes all conferences in name only.

But then it gets more complicated from there.

What if, say, UCLA—who’s playing the best football in the country over the last five games—were to beat Oregon in the Pac-12 championship on Dec. 5? With two-losses, should QB Hundley and his ability to put up 250 yards passing on anyone in a half plus a maturing O-line and stifling D, be left out? Should Oregon and the eventual Heisman winner automatically drop from relevance and never be heard from again, cancelled out by a division rival they couldn’t take two from on the road?

How about if Ohio State lost to Wisconsin in the B1G championship game Dec. 6? Both teams would end up with two-loss seasons and similarly drift into college football’s abyss because they didn’t have schools like Southern Miss, UAB, South Alabama, Kentucky, UTM or Vanderbilt (Mississippi State) or Florida Atlantic, Southern Miss or Western Carolina (Alabama) on their tough-as-nails SEC dance cards.

What if two-loss Georgia, Georgia Tech, Michigan State, Kansas State, Arizona, Arizona State, Boise State and Missouri were to win out? Georgia and Missouri are SEC schools and yet they don’t seem to command the same respect as Alabama, Mississippi State, Auburn, Ole Miss or LSU. What if Bama loses to Auburn and Mississippi State loses to Ole Miss to deliver four two-loss SEC teams?

Hell, what if Missouri beats Arkansas at home in the season finale and wins the SEC championship by taking down Bama at the Georgia Dome Dec. 6? Should there be an ALL SEC final four? Surely Clay Travis who fake goes to tailgates and fake talks about football while he fake writes a blog for Fox would think so.

Would anyone else?

Playoffs aren’t about who’s on the cover of SI at the beginning of the season. It’s not about who won last year. It’s not about Nick Saban. It’s about who’s healthy and dealing the hot hand at crunch time. It’s the separation between who’s exhausted and falling asleep at the wheel and who’s going to ride with the gas light on for four more exits or until there’s a McDonald’s at the same off-ramp. Who can, in the course of a single drive, one big play, one step on the secondary, change the events as they should be written and re-write (if not re-right) the course of history. Playoffs are wild cards and underdogs and Cinderella breaking it down in front of the DJ booth, both arms in the air, make-up running and feet blistered and bleeding as she screams along with Violent Femmes Taylor Swift into the morning light.

But a two-game playoff is none of that. It is a semi-final and a final. It’s the Williams sisters walking into Wimbledon and drawing one another in the first round. It’s Michael never having to face Isiah to get to Stockton. It’s Tiger and Lefty roshambo’ing for the first three rounds and teeing off in sudden death. It’s nobody showing up to claim the bronze in pairs figure skating. It’s being left off the e-vite because the former Secretary of State caught tails instead of heads (how do you think we went to war with Iraq?)

I’m not the only one thinks a two-game playoff can’t hide an at-best unsustainable and at worst criminally flawed system that colludes the NCAA with its biggest football brands. There are others. “If we’re going to go anywhere,” former Big 12 commissioner Dan Beebe told the New York Times at the start of the season, “I’d rather go back to the old bowl system.”

Until there’s one representative from each of the 10 conferences plus two at-large wild-card teams for a 12-team, four-week playoff, (the one through four seeds get a first-round bye) the old bowl system and its 85-percent success rate is still the undisputed champion of college football.

Pints and Picks Week 10: If your name’s not in here you probably don’t exist

Each week DPB’s Kyle Magin and Andrew J. Pridgen will pour on the prose with Pints and Picks™. Who to wager and what to drink while doing it. Here then, is their point-counterpoint for Nov. 8, 2014. Or, if you’re in the car, simply scroll down for the recap (they may be verbose, but it’s better than clicking through a slideshow).

AJ: Whoooooa Boy KM, big weekend ahead.

Before I get into my picks on possibly the best match-up weekend of the 2014 season and the only one with any influence on this fake semi-final/final four-team ‘playoff’ thing—I will tease with the fact that all my match-ups will be of the marquee variety (not the Magin dregs betting) this week.

I will feature:

Bama and LSU
Oregon and Utah
TCU and K State
Notre Dame and ASU
and
Michigan State and OSU

To kick things off, however, I’m going to (surprise!) take a detour down a more personal road.

Saturday is my ‘return to racing.’ I know this sounds very Armstrongean or Bondsean, but it’s not meant to be.

I’ve been on about a 9-month hiatus from throwing a bib on and trying to get after it as an angry and ever-so-noticeably above varsity weight age-grouper. I’m not one of those guys who’s all sinew and likes cutting pro women off on the road bike, rooty trail or open water to make myself feel like I’ve got more hair on my shaved head than the crop circles that are left.

But there’s something about race day. About the weight-shifting interminable time in line for the port-a-potty and the glorious pre-race deposit. The cold sweat that collects on your palms and fingertips as the starting line is toe’d. That expectant but shrill and surprising clap of the gun and those initial steps, all nerves and knobby knees and “I’m not only not going to put up a personal best, but I’m not going to finish.”

Getting excited for something difficult, something that pushes out of the comfort zone, out of sleep, out of conformity, is certainly an underrated experience in today’s spiffy culture. If you can’t swipe it with your index finger, why bother?

I’m not the only one who feels this way. American’s spending on organized road and trail runs, triathlons and endurance races has increased more than 10-fold over the last decade. The largest road race, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution Peachtree 10k, drew almost 56k participants last year. That’s a small city of runners. The ING New York City Marathon eclipsed 50k last weekend and that’s turning away more than 80 percent of the applicants.

So there is something there in all of us. Something that says we’re looking to push—just a little bit—and see what happens. Something we need to share with a group taking the hard road to Point B.

This weekend I’m making an easy entrance back into my age group in the Santa Barbara half-marathon. It’s a seaside course that’s relatively flat and fast. Earlier this year, it became pretty clear I wasn’t going to eclipse my Santa Barbara Marathon time from two years ago (I blame the six-month-old who sleeps in the room next to me and can say “Da!” a bunch of times in a row), so I decided why not make it back with a fast half. (Technically my ‘return to racing’ was codified at this year’s Squaw Mountain Run, but that was more an off-the-couch effort in the wake of getting up 4x/night for feeding; my mulligan.)

This is the first time I’ve felt at least somewhat race-ready in more than a year. And I just want to give a quick shout out, because I rarely use this space to thank her, to Robin Sims, who was sliced in half six months ago and could not get out of the hospital bed for three days while she tried to cope with the stress of not only being a new mother, but having to handle me as a new father. Trust me when I say the latter was certainly the most disconcerting.

She has been patient and relaxed and, above all things, dedicated to getting back on the road and the trail as life screamed and cried and pooped around us. She has stuck to a feeding and training and work schedule that would take three of me to ponder and four to fail at, and has done so with strength and ease and nary a breakdown. I don’t tell her ever how proud of her I am. A mother and a runner, and damn good at both. When we race, we all race as individuals, but I am so so very lucky to be on her team come Saturday.

Ok KM, this means I will have a race recap next week, but till then, I pass the baton to you and ask, will you accept the week 10 marquee-pick challenge?

Kyle: AJ, I’ll join you on most of those picks, but I’m far too fond of rooting around through forgotten leagues and sports in search of gems to give up on the Okie-style noodling that informs my weekly choices. One man’s trash.

That said, you’re exactly right that this is as meaningful a weekend in the CFB season as we’ve yet seen. I’ve left this conversation once or twice thinking we’ve put lipstick on a pig, but this week I’m trying to keep myself from pre-game hype video-level platitudes. I’m going to break down the following:

OSU and MSU
K. State and TCU
Bama and LSU
Utah St. and Wyoming
and
B. Hopkins vs. S. Kovalev

For people who haven’t been paying attention, OSU-MSU is a real, proper grudge match.

When I was a kid OSU was a bit of an anomaly in the Big Ten. Even more than Michigan, which was just as (arguably more from year-to-year while John Cooper was in Columbus) nationally relevant at the time. The Buckeyes had a bit of cool about them. They recruited Florida guys, had some of the biggest badasses on the block (see Boston, David), and by the time the millennium turned over were a coast-to-coast style superpower in a way that nobody else in the league was. It bred an arrogance even the turned-up noses in Ann Arbor didn’t deign to show: We’re above you, our peers are Miami and USC and Notre Dame. Fuck your rust belt.

Ironically, under Urban Meyer, the Bucks feel a little more home-grown. Whether it was the sanctions or the pantsing administered by the Spartans in the B1G title game last year to thwart their march toward the title, OSU has turned their animosities inward. Side-light rivalries against MSU and Penn State have taken on added significance for the crimson n’ cream crowd. They suddenly seem cognizant of the search for respect everyone else in the league is constantly going through–sorta like the hot chick who stayed behind while everyone else left for college and began to realize her insights into the latest Kardashian news wasn’t so valuable to a peer group who no longer worshiped at the altar of her feet.

This new awareness has manifested itself nicely in a rivalry between Meyer and Michigan State’s Mark Dantonio. Meyer entered the league stealing everyone’s recruits—Dantonio’s included–and it felt like sweet payback when Dantonio upended Meyer’s 2013 season in Indianapolis. Suddenly the Bucks had to deal with the locals again. With an early-season loss to Virginia Tech that looks worse by the week, Ohio State has been forced to find its salvation within the conference, and that combination of desperation and levity is making for a much more intriguing match-up. It’s about kids from my side of the Toledo strip against kids from your side getting into the trenches (and what will likely be some freezing-ass weather Saturday night in East Lansing) and going toe-to-toe. I’m excited.

Alright, I’ll dig into the number on this and the rest after throwing it back to you, AJ.

AJ: KM, since we’re giving props all over this entry’s face this week (and really the readership on PNP is a loyal quorum so basically, especially after the second graph, anything goes; see: Week 9’s Pat Burrell story not causing any semblance of a kurfuffle), I want to kind of focus on the Oregon/Utah match-up before I check down the rest.

I was living/working in the Beehive State when Utah received a fistful of tokens to run free in the Pac-12 arcade in 2010. At the time, I knew the U of U as a commuter school where all the kids from South Jordan or Sandy or Centerville Wards tried hard not to drip their zit cream onto your Jimmy John’s and call it dressing. It’s a dry campus with a salty pizza parlor and the best burger joint ever. And a lot of blond girls who are just not, um, discriminating enough to want to go to BYU.

I made it pretty clear to my U of U alum friends, all drunk off three 3.2 beers at The Republican (or the Tavernacle—actual bar, just a half block from the big Mormon thingy where hot girls from all over the world approach you and try to get you to join and wear their special underwear) that BYU should’ve gotten the invite. Better sports history, period. Prettier campus and, well, Provo is the one true level playing field for visiting teams with no, um, temptations at night (or are there?) …In fact, I think the Cougs would’ve paired perfectly with the still-dormant Colorado Buffalo, while the U was not quite ready for prime time.

Thankfully, I was proven wrong as the Utes have blossomed into a football and potential basketball powerhouse and are drawing athletic and academic talent from the West Coast. Who wouldn’t want to go to school 20 minutes from the best stashes (not ‘staches) in the West. Yes, Utah is the greatest snow on Earth™ (apologies to your Sierra backyard KM).

Anyone who’s thinking that there’s not enough fun to be had on a 36-hour SLC smack down for a visiting team is w-r-o-n-g. Sure SLC’s best bar still has dueling pianos and you have to drink old and poorly stored Deschutes out of a bottle if you want to cop a buzz before your fifth trip to the baño, but there’s so so much to do, including:

• Red Iguana. Think you’ve had a good mole, think again—yes, it’s worth the wait. Believe the hype.
• Epic Brewing. High-point beer but made with care. Not just the big, hoppy IPAs they shove down your gullet in the Bay Area or Pac NW. Ditto Uinta for better-than-good local craft brews.
• Decades Vintage Shop. Sure you’ve been to Haight Street and DUMBO and you’ve passed up every ironic shirt (or paid $75 for a vintage PBR Beefy Tee). Go check out Decades. It’s like going back to the ’90s thrift stores (when they actually had vintage clothes from the ’70s). Their buyers are discerning and since much of Utah cleans its closets out only once every three decades, you’ll be the benefactor. Last time I stopped by, I got a Western shirt that would make a Cash roadie cry, a Leisure Suit fit for a Furley and a vintage Rambo: First Blood T-shirt (size XL which fit me like a child’s medium—but oh well) for under $40. Hipster bliss.
• The Depot or Kilby Court. LOTS of bands have to stop and get gas and a burrito in SLC en route from SF to Denver or Denver to Portland. Take advantage of these incredible little venues. You’ll be able to say you saw ______ with 18 of your closest maybe-Mormon friends when they’re headlining the second stage at Coachella or Outside Lands in two years.

If you go, please also look up my favorite Utahn Jeremy Pugh. Jeremy grew up Mormon and then decided against it and has been drinking and writing and pontificating with erratic vengeance to make up for it ever since. He’s down to go out and to talk about physics or Louis CK’s first show (the one on HBO nobody remembers but was genius) or cats or karate or the time he blacked out during a Dylan show at Deer Valley and woke up making snow angels in a sand trap four miles away on a Park City golf course. He gets whatever movie reference you throw at him but isn’t the annoying bro who has to quote it back, though he can quote Gilmore Girls. He has incredible stories about terrible women and their violent exes that are compelling enough to make you want to buy him another round as his voice goes up an octave and hiswordsruntogetherfornoreason. He gets really hungover and still goes skiing. He shaves and grows his beard back in a day. He’ll show up with an extra Egg McMuffin for you. He writes beautifully but only when he’s not trying and, like most good writers, his best stuff comes out in conversation and you can see him trying to remember it as he’s saying it—but he never does. He moved to Hawaii and got too tan and too relaxed and not frustrated enough, so he had to move back to Utah. He underestimates his value but has never, ever made life less fun when he’s in the room. All this and he finds time to tweet about Yurts—fuck yeah.

In other words, he’s 100 percent Utah. More Utah than Johnny Utah. And I like that. And yes, 100-percent Utah means hospitality. You could knock on Jeremy’s door this Saturday and say you read about him here and 12 hours later …in Wendover, he’d still be bleary-eyed asking you if you want him to buy another round.

OK, as far as the game goes, the Utes, who I believe could still take it to three of the top four SEC teams (looking at you Mississippi, Auburn and Bama) at home, showed a chink in their armor against P-12 South rival ASU and that is, they can play fast (Fresno State) or they can play physical (Michigan), but they can’t play fast and physical.

Last week the usually venerable Utes offense was held to 241 yards against ASU’s strong and tough D. Oregon has shown their front five is just as hungry and their DBs are slightly quicker than the Sun Devils. The ground game went missing from the Utes playbook in early October and unless Devontae Booker can establish himself quickly, it’s pretty much going to come down to see how long it takes for the pocket to collapse on Mariota. With three seconds, he can do a lot of damage in the air or on the ground as he’s poised to re-iginte the Olympic torch and break 200 rushing yards and 1,500 passing at Rice-Eccles.

Take the Ducks -8 and remember, Brighton and Solitude are already turning and @saltlakeeditor is always down for whatever. Win. Win. Win.

Kyle: AJ, I work in a BYU-alum owned-and-operated 9-5. Yours are the only positive words I hear about the U on a regular basis–I think its position in Utah’s ‘gentile belt’ may malign its reputation in these parts. I find that my BYU acquaintances only really get riled about three things—the president, basketball and the Utes. The prez trounced their boy, Jimmer Fredette can’t get good NBA minutes even though he’s as effective as Ray Allen any more, and Utes fans say awful things to the Cougars faithful when the Holy War is in Salt Lake. That’s the sum total of their gripes with the world, and while I really appreciate the lack of complaining, they really put their all into those slights.

Utah State, out in the boons of Logan, seems to escape their ire. It’s where you go when your old man isn’t in tight with a bishop, it’s not always an athletic equal to the programs in Provo, and it’s apparently constantly 10 degrees there, so I guess the cold encourages piousness. (Freshman receiver Gregory Weichers—the product of a BYU alum–may have blown up that end of the narrative yesterday, though.)

Anyway, I like to check in on the Aggies from time to time because they play some of the stoutest defense in the west and have been known to throw serious kinks in the Utes and Cougs’ seasons. This year, though, they’re playing a sort of front-runner instead of spoiler narrative.

Utah State -6.5 @ Wyoming
The Aggies (6-3, 3-1 MW) take on the Pokes (4-5, 2-3 MW) in hopes of staying alive in the MW’s Mountain division. The top three teams on that side of the bracket–it’s the class of the league–all have one loss; USU, Boise St. and Colorado St. USU still has Boise in its sights and while it lost head-to-head against the CSU Rams–who have a pretty cake schedule from here on out–they’re still very much in the hunt for the league’s title game. With gametime temps expected to be just about freezing in Laramie (I suspect it’s always just about freezing in Laramie. That Matthew Sheppard movie looked like the coldest goddamn cinema experience since The Day After Tomorrow), I’d look for the Ags’ top 25 defense to bottle up any Cowboys attack and give their offense a short field to work with all night. USU to cover.

Kansas State +6 @ TCU
KSU’s Bill Snyder is probably the last really wily sonofabitch in college football. He has zero polish with the media and appears to win recruiting battles nobody else is fighting with him. Yet, year-in-and-year-out, he’s a thorn in the Big 12’s side and a darkhorse national contender. His offense isn’t overly impressive when it comes to yardage totals in either the rushing or passing games, but they seem to always have a short field to work with and have converted 100 percent of their Big 12 chances in the red zone for scores this year. They convert 50 percent of their third downs overall but manage to hold their opponents to just 39 percent. To top it all off, Snyder’s bunch is 2-0 against the spread on the road this season. TCU is good, if not great, at everything. But, the Horned frogs are giving up an average of more than 40 points over their last five games, and had a hell of a time last week with a West Virginia squad that doesn’t have nearly the defense that’ll step off the bus from Manhattan this week. I like Snyder’s boys to keep it within a touchdown.

Bernard Hopkins 5/2 by decision vs. Sergey Kovalev
Vegas again likes Bernard Hopkins just a little less than it likes his opponent, Sergey Kovalev (7-2 by decision). A bet the Krusher’s way probably isn’t terrible–you can actually get some fairly good numbers on him knocking out the Alien. But, if this thing goes the distance and it’s close, the cards are most definitely going BHop’s way. He’s the name. The Atlantic City crowd will be heavily behind the Philly boxer’s campaign Saturday. And, almost nobody knows how to make a round look like it’s going his way than Hopkins, who couldn’t knock out one of those fainting goats but can connect with enough of his light blows to register on a judge’s scorecard.

Alabama @ LSU +6.5
The Bayou Bengals’ defense is truly, truly filthy. Opponents have reached LSU’s end zone just 17 times this season and convert less than 30 percent of their third down tries. #3 Ole Miss was abused two weeks ago in Baton Rouge, managing just a touchdown, and the Tigers are 6-1 against the spread at home, 7-2 overall this season. True enough, at 7-1, the Tide are still firmly in the playoff hunt and not likely to pull any punches Saturday. That said, I’d look for Les Miles’ squad to keep it close.

OSU @ MSU Under 56
It’s going to be bone-chillingly cold and probably wet in East Lansing Saturday night. The Spartans’ defense isn’t quite what it was last year, but almost all of the dings against it have come on big plays through the air. The Buckeyes’ passing attack is far from vaunted which’ll keep this thing on the ground at Spartan Stadium. The Spartan defense hasn’t given up more than 22 points at home this season. I look for a low-scoring affair.

Alright AJ, get your bad luck out of the way pre-race…

AJ: Oh, me again? Sorry, I was dreaming of Crown Burger.

We’re in novella territory here so I’ll be giving you the rest my picks in a voice inspired by the writing of James Franco.

Alabama @ LSU +6.5
I think Dennis Quaid in that movie about LSU (with Jessica Lange and John Goodman) and the points are enough for me to take the Tigers over the Crimson Tide. Crimson Tide reminds me of Prince of Tides, even though I know they’re two different things.

Kansas State +6 @ TCU
These are two places I’ve never been and will probably never go. I bet when you watch porn that’s supposed to be in a dorm room but is really in an abandoned Quiznos near Torrance, it’s inspired by one of these schools. Why is there a Kansas State? Did someone actually not get in to Kansas? Take them and the points to find out.

ASU -1 vs. Notre Dame
You know those ads that look like hot chicks in mugshots that always pop up? Arizona State has most of those girls. They’ll win by three touchdowns on Saturday.

Michigan State -2 vs. OSU
I can’t tell if this is a game between two important one-loss teams or one important one-loss team and just another team. I think it’s the second one. If that’s the case, Michigan State has already won.

The PnP Recap:

Last week:
AJ: 2-4
Kyle: 3-4

Overall:
AJ: 18 for 31
Kyle: 16 for 23

This week:

AJ:
• Oregon @ Utah -8
• Alabama @ LSU +6.5
• Kansas State +6 @ TCU
* ASU -1 vs. Notre Dame
• Michigan State -2 vs. OSU

Kyle:
• Utah State -6.5 @ Wyoming
• Kansas State +6 @ TCU
• Bernard Hopkins 5/2 by decision vs. Sergey Kovalev
• OSU @ MSU Under 56
• Alabama @ LSU +6.5

Pints and Picks Week 8: 6 pack of picks (good) …4 pack of beers (bad)

Each week DPB’s Kyle Magin and Andrew J. Pridgen will pour on the prose with Pints and Picks™. Who to wager and what to drink while doing it. Here then, is their point-counterpoint for Oct. 25, 2014. Or, if you’re in the car, simply scroll down for the recap (they may be verbose, but it’s better than clicking through a slideshow).

AJ: Two words for you this week KM: Hunter Motherfuckingstrickland.

That guy, man. He’s the Nuke LaLoosh in real-time just blowing up all over the mound like a soaking wet piñata in game two of the world series. Not ONLY did he give up an MLB-record fifth bomb in the postseason Tuesday but he did it with such passion that he had to start jawing …at that guy who’d just roped a double off him. By the time the guy who went yard crossed the plate, he was out of the game. Talk about premature extrapolation.

But I really don’t care that he talked a little (a lot) of smack. He’s 26 and I did a lot of stupidly awesome stuff when I was 26 (swimming out to the Pirate Ship in Las Vegas’ Treasure Island moat comes to mind—I had a weird rash on my side for months). It’s an age of passion and testosterone and bad decisions especially when dollar beers and a game my buddies made up called “dare darts” is involved. So, that’s cool. I get it.

All I can say, is thank god camera phones were invented in my 30s (actually, boo for no camera phones till my 30s).

What I do have a problem with is Strickland trying to get that 97mph/no movement Babe Ruth stuff over the plate expecting Junior year results. Again and again and again and again …and again. Shaking off Buster and ignoring Rags is not the way to engender yourself to the franchise. I’d almost rather throw the actual Danny McBride out there and take my chances. At least it’d be funny haha not sad/funny.

So HS, if you want to pound six Buds at a time like your team’s ace, then earn it on the field. Till then, bite that lower lip and take it out on your iPad in the hotel room.

*Deep breath*. Now, because I’m gonna save the rant for someone who’ll listen (meaning, I’ve got some long training runs coming up this weekend and am going to try to keep my internal dialogue just that) and come at you with a couple of six packs this week.

The (first three) of my six-pack:

BYU +6 @ Boise State:
BYU’s been on the skids since week three, but Boise State, even on the Smurf turf is a shadow of its former self. I think instead of the over/under being 56.5 it should be 88 percent Mormons in the stands. It’ll be the fake-nicest game in the West. But I do believe BYU has the speed and the secondary to pick of BSU this time. Take the Cougs and the points.

Oregon @ Cal (at Levi’s Stadium) O/U 77:
I’m back on my Cal-and-the-over train. Cal’s secondary is worst in the Pac 12 and with a healthy left guard, Marcus seems to be spreading the Aloha around again. I would take Oregon -16 but Helfrich has shown he closes worse than your best friend from high school at 1:40 a.m. So, Cal will cinch it up in garbage time.

Oregon State +13.5 @ Stanford:
Why is Stanford getting a bigger benefit of the doubt than JK Rowling pitching a story about clowns in prison? Moneyline here. OSU is faster and better than their record suggests and the Cardinal is a half-step slower and two wins better than theirs.

OK KM, before you take your turn, I just want to say you’ve been sneakily and disarmingly hotter than Lily from the AT&T ads of late. What’dya got this week?

Kyle: AJ-Three is really the perfect place to take a break from a sixer. Problem is, I can’t ever seem to stop right there. During the workweek, I tend to pick them off one at a time. If you’re pursuing that method, by No. 6, you feel like a real asshole for having that much cardboard surrounding one measly bottle and taking up room in the fridge. But what, am I supposed to toss that thing before all the bottles are gone? If you get caught up watching a game and down four, the remaining two beers do you no good. You’re again left with the packaging dilemma, plus you can only exacerbate it by drinking one at a time. That means you have to down both, which will only make you a little more tired and a little less likely to read, like you should. Instead you watch the same Family Guy episodes you already own (without commercials) on some third-rate syndication belcher taking up space between the networks and the home shopping lineup on your TV package.

Just buy a 12’er and start saving for cirrhosis treatments.

With all that said, here’s my attempt at self-restraint:

Oklahoma State vs. West Virginia, O/U 66:
The Big 12’s quarterbacks essentially play the sport of football on easy mode, thanks to the Big 12 defenses. Saturdays action between the two 3-1 league runners-up features bottom-50 defenses against offenses that combine for about 70 points per game. Take the over.

Ole Miss -4 @ LSU:
This is easily the undefeated Rebels’ biggest road game this year. All due respect to the folks at College Station, but a night game crowd in Baton Rouge is going to be tuned up on hurricanes and will blow those brown-shirted fascists out of the water when it comes to creating a hostile environment. I like the Bayou Bengals to beat the spread, even if their team is a bit young.

Michigan @ Michigan State O/U 48.5:
Due to a B1G scheduling fluke, the Wolverines have to visit East Lansing for the second straight year. They’re bringing in a coach knocking on death’s door and an offense that turns the ball over against ranked teams nearly as frequently as it scores. Sparty makes hay and UM’s Devin Gardner gets in on the scoring with a few sixes the right way and these guys clear the over, easily.

AJ: KM, have you caught wind of this new four-pack phenomenon? It may go a way to solving your problem (four beers in a post-workout/pre-go-out/Magnum PI on Netflix sesh mostly doesn’t make you look/feel too too bad with no hangers-on in the fridge) but the problem is, you’re still paying six-pack (or more) prices: Yes, I’m looking at you Dogfish Head, Uinta and Odell.

At first I thought I was paying $11 for really special brews, till pretty much downed the foursie and decided that I’d paid $11 for two fewer brews than I should’ve gotten.

Then again, if you’re fresh off the trail or the pool and you need something to get you through the news the the SEC bounces on a Pac 12 home and home matchup …because, you know, who wants the West Coast to hang a loss on ’em week two, which lends credence to (my) notion none of the current ‘top-four’ SEC programs could hang at altitude in Utah. That’s right folks, an upper-middle-tier Pac-12 team dominating a Mississippi State, Ole Miss or Bama …Ab-so-friggin-lutely (and they know it too) …then four to the dome may be just the thing.

*Crack* is the sound of the first pick in the second half of my six-pack:

Utah -10 vs. Southern Cal:
Since I’m bringing it with the Utes, I better put it on the line at 4,500 feet. If someone’d told you that USC would be getting double-digits in Salt Lake in mid-September, you’d have gone ahead and polished your root beer, checked on the Mrs(s) to see how the canning’s going and said ‘Oh My Heck’ (they actually say that) and then take a swig of Mountain Dew out of your flask. Yes folks, my biggest worst-kept secret/weekly go-to to beat the spread Utes have now been outed. What the hey though, give SC the ten (Utah will win by a dozen) and put a sawbuck on the over (55.5) while you’re there.

Alabama -15 @ Tennessee:
Alabama ain’t that good. Tennessee ain’t that bad. But Bama still has something to prove and has been beating the spread like Candy Crush lately. Tennessee will feature a second- and third-string QB under center (Nathan Peterman and Josh Dobbs)—starter Justin Worley still questionable—with an offensive line that springs more leaks than me after said four-pack, you can bet it’s going to be a long day in Knoxville.

Ohio State -12 @ Penn State:
When this grande dame of mid-season fall football splendor become the purplish ’96 Ford Expedition on blocks in your two-doors-down neighbor’s driveway? While both schools, the Buckeyes at 5-1 and Nittany Lions at 4-2 are still very much in the conversation (kinda) yet, they’re treated like a layover at Midway where every restaurant has those airport weird metal shutters things except for Let Them Eat Cake …No. 13 Ohio State will win to stay barely in the conversation but also take the W at Beaver by 20 (or more). Nittany Lion Christian Hackenberg has lived up to his surname thus far in his sophomore campaign. That doesn’t mean he can’t change… but change doesn’t come quickly against this year’s Buckeyes.

KM, please tell me you’re popping open an Icky and laughing at this four-pack business.

Kyle: AJ-Four packs are an affront to 50-plus years of American male tradition.

Just imagine this exchange:
“Hey Al, come on over and watch the game.”
“Gee, thanks Will. Should I bring over a four-pack?”
“Delete this number and don’t fucking ever call me again, you got it!?”

I’m sent into spasms of anger every time I buy a four of Guinness cans to make Irish stew during football season. Why can’t those potato heads package just two more beers together so I can pass out with the Crock Pot on at 4 p.m. only to be awoken after some shitty Mountain West game is at the half by the alluring aroma of burnt starch and the sounds of my girlfriend calling for takeout?

As a corollary, every time I decide to make this meal, yeah AJ, I go with the sixer of Icky in addition to overpaying for the Guinness family’s wares. It’s my adopted state’s most consistent brew–also the only canned beer you can get in the Silver State after the Great Recession wrecked a few hopes and dreams here in Kaepernick origin-story country. I’d tell you a bunch about the IPA, but I really don’t know shit about beer. It tastes great lukewarm, which has to be worth something, right?

Here’s the back end of my sixer:

Florida Atlantic @ Marshall -28:
The 7-0 Thundering Herd are quietly putting together a statistically jaw-dropping season against just a shit sandwich of a schedule. They’re 5-1-1 ATS this season including five straight wins vs. Vegas. They score 47.4 per game (2nd best in the nation) and give up just 16.6 per game (7th best). FAU is 2-1 in Conference USA, so standings-wise this is a halfway interesting matchup. But I’m looking for the Herd to make it six straight agains the wise guys.

Texas Tech +23 @ TCU:
The 3-4 Raiders are abjectly horrible this season. Kliff Kingsbury kan’t koach defense or find a very good koordinator. But, 5-1 TCU got pantsed on D two weeks ago in its shootout loss to Art Briles’ Baylor squad 61-58. That defensive backfield stumbled frequently on the short passing game, which is something Kingsbury, a Mike Leech disciple, can coach against. Oh, the Raiders will lose, but they’ll keep it inside the spread.

UMass @ Toledo O/U 70.5:
How about a little #MACtion to seal the deal for me this week? Toledo and UMass are both hitting the over more than 70 percent of the time this year. It’s going to be clear and 68 tomorrow in Toledo for probably the last time in the next 8 months, so I think we’ll see some real crisp offense in the strip tomorrow because nobody will be in a hurry to the run the ball and face the soul-crushing humanitarian crisis that is a Midwestern winter any more quickly than necessary. Take the over.

AJ: Boy Kyle, I haven’t been this thirsty since I helped tar the roof of Shawshank (It’s a Tim Robbins kind of week). On to the recap!

The PnP Recap:

Last week:
AJ: 0-3
Kyle: 2-3

Overall:
AJ: 12 for 22
Kyle: 9 for 16

This week:

AJ:
* BYU +6 @ Boise State
• Oregon @ Cal (at Levi’s Stadium) over 77
• Utah -10 vs. Southern Cal plus over 55.5
* Oregon State +13.5 @ Stanford
• Alabama -15 @ Tennessee
• Ohio State -12 @ Penn State

Kyle:
• Oklahoma State vs. West Virginia over 66
• Ole Miss -4 @ LSU
• Michigan @ Michigan State over 48.5
* Florida Atlantic @ Marshall -28
* Texas Tech +23 @ TCU
* UMass @ Toledo over 70.5

Final Faux: Finding flaws in the four-team BCS playoff

When I was born, all four Beatles were still alive. There was no such thing as Excel. Phones had dials and cords. TVs were expected to break and be repaired—not replaced. A peanut farmer and humanitarian was president. He established a national energy policy and said the government should be “competent and compassionate.” Back then, bankers made about the same wage as you.

Bowl games were decided by the Associated Press and UPI polls, a combination of writers, insiders and coaches. Bowl games were set with the rankings and tradition in mind. Each year, without controversy, a national champion would be crowned.

From 1936 to 1997, the two polls didn’t mesh 11 times—an 85 percent success rate over six decades.

The BCS came to be in 1998, the year Will Smith got Jiggy wit it. High school Freshman Mark Zuckerberg was writing sweet nothings on his actual bedroom wall. AOL, Netscape and AltaVista is how we did search and on July 1, Armageddon, the greatest movie of all time, was released.

In the decade and a half of the BCS, there has been controversy over the eventual taker-homer of the big giant football crystal ashtray EVERY year of its existence.

That’s a 100-percent not success rate.

To recap what the BCS Computer has done to basically ruin everything:

1998-’99: One-loss Kansas State finished third in the standings but was passed over for a BCS bowl berth by Ohio State (4th) and Florida (8th). The Wildcats were relegated to find the basement of the Alamo Bowl against Purdue.

1999-’00: The K State rule was adopted ensuring the third-ranked team get an automatic bid to a BCS bowl. Problem solved, right? Nope. This time, K State finished 6th in the BCS rankings. Their invitation again got lost in the mail. Michigan (8th) did make it to the party, however. The Wolverines also got a bid over in-state rival Michigan State, even though Sparty had the same record and beat the Wolverines head-to-head.

2000-’01: One-loss Florida State played undefeated Oklahoma in the Orange Bowl for the BCS championship. The Miami Hurricanes, also a one-loss team, BEAT Florida State, but played for nothing. Miami only lost to another one-loss team, Pac-10 champion Washington. Both Miami and Washington won their bowl games and Florida State’s bullpen couldn’t keep Oklahoma’s bats quiet in a 13-2 loss.

2002-’03: Otherwise known as the year the BCS ruined the Rose Bowl. Big 10 co-champion Ohio State (2nd) passed up the Rose Bowl for a shot at the Fiesta Bowl/national championship against Miami. When it was the Rose Bowl’s turn to select, the best available team was Oklahoma (7th). Pac-10 co-champion USC was taken by the Orange Bowl and matched up with Iowa (a Pac-10/Big-10 rival game 2,500 miles from Pasadena). The Rose Bowl was left with Washington State. The Oklahoma/Wazzu game had the lowest attendance in Rose Bowl history and was the first non-sellout since 1944—thus giving rise to the notion that the BCS, in its fourth season, was now worse for college football than a world war.

2003-’04: Total shit show. Near the season’s end, the three top schools, Oklahoma, USC and LSU all had one loss. Oklahoma got whipped by K State in the Big 12 conference championship game, so they went from first to fourth in a week. This still did not prohibit the Sooners from making an appearance in the title game. LSU beat Oklahoma in the Sugar Bowl for the BCS championship. USC beat Michigan in the Rose Bowl. Coaches are contractually obligated to pick the championship game victor as the winner, but Lou Holtz of South Carolina, Mike Bellotti of Oregon and Ron Turner of Illinois gave USC their first-place votes.

2004-’05: Even more disastrous than three one-loss teams is five undefeateds. That’s what happened in this iteration of the BCS mess. Auburn, Utah and Boise State ALL ran the table. The other undefeateds, Oklahoma and USC, played for the title. USC beat Oklahoma 55-19. Auburn and Utah won their match-ups handily and Boise State was beaten by Louisville in the Liberty Bowl. In second-tier controversy, Texas coach Mack Brown, showing early signs of dementia, lobbied for the Longhorns to get the last BCS at-large bid over Pac-10 runner-up Cal. Brown won his shell game and in protest Cal sat on the ball on the 22 with 13 seconds on the clock as coach Jeff Tedford refused to run up the Vegas Bowl score against BYU to pander to voters.

2005-’06: Texas was undefeated. USC was undefeated. Vince Young scrambled into the end-zone during the final minute to defeat the Trojans and his Longhorns became the undisputed champions. This is the one year the BCS worked (by default, because the system would’ve worked using a connect-the-dots). Worked, that is, other than the fact there was no Big 10 team within spittin’ distance of Pasadena on New Year’s Day.

2006-’07: Boise State and Ohio State were undefeated and Louisville, Michigan, Wisconsin and Florida had one loss each. Ohio State went on to lose to Florida in the championship game, and nobody remembers what happened to the rest of the schools other than they got jobbed.

2007-’08: This time Hawai’i was the undefeated school that would not get to play for a championship because their schedule was deemed too weak. Ohio State, idle for the last two weeks of the season, climbed from number five to number one because everyone else imploded. LSU lost in triple overtime to Arkansas in the second-to-last game of the season, giving them two losses. But the computer still thought the Tigers’ schedule and margin of victory was enough to put them in the championship game where they beat Ohio State by 14. The Rainbow Warriors, meanwhile, put a totem curse on the rest of college football for the next decade or so.

2008-’09: Utah and Boise State both finished undefeated. Utah got a BCS bid and waxed Alabama. Boise State played one-loss TCU in the prestigious Poinsettia Bowl. It was the first time ever two teams from non-BCS conferences ranked higher than participants in a BCS bowl …bringing the new revelation that BOTH computers and humans are flawed.

2009-’10: Undefeateds Boise State and TCU were paired together again because computer/human was scared about rendering the whole system moot. Alabama, Texas and Cincinnati also finished undefeated. ‘Bama beat Texas but nobody really cared because the 13-0 Broncos took down the 12-0 Horned Frogs 17-10 in the Fiesta Bowl …for no share of anything according to the BCS.

2010-’11: Undefeated major conference champions Oregon and Auburn left TCU (second-straight undefeated regular season) as odd-frog out. In May 2011, the US Justice Department sent a letter to the NCAA asking for an explanation why it did not have a playoff system in place and why it had given the authority to designate a champion to an outside group, the BCS. The questions went unanswered.

2011-’12: For the third time in the BCS era no major conference team finished the season undefeated. Though LSU finished the regular season with no losses, they lost to SEC-rival Alabama 21-0 in the lowest-rated BCS national championship game of all time.

2012-’13: Kansas State, Oregon and Notre Dame were all undefeated going into the last week of the season. Kansas State was beaten by Baylor and Oregon fell 17-14 to Stanford in overtime. Non-conference Notre Dame secured a berth in the national championship game to play Alabama who leapfrogged to number two, because SEC. Once again, nobody cared and the game became the second-lowest rated BCS national championship game of all time.

OK, one more:

2013-’14: Continuing the tradition of bypassing higher-ranked teams to suit its needs, the Sugar Bowl selected Oklahoma over Oregon to play ‘Bama. Oregon ended up putting the smack down on the swan song of Mack Brown 30-7 in the Alamo Bowl. Auburn lost to undefeated Florida State in the third-lowest-rated BCS game of all time, in the BCS-as-you-knew-it-then finale.

Or was it?

This year’s four-team playoff with the new upside-down-unicorn-horn-which-blooms-into-a-football-vagina-on-top trophy is a scant re-branding of the same BCS ways. The computer is the same (think of the BCS as the Craigslist of rankings devices: Janky, yet the only thing out there pretty much). The key voters/committee members are the same, sexagenarians whose wealth of experience is likely only matched by present-day inefficiencies and hang-ups (Tom Osborne? Check. Mike Tranghese? Check. Pat Haden? Check. Tom Jernstedt? Check. Archie Manning? Check. Oh, and Condi Rice so the class photo isn’t all Haggar slacks and Cialis bathtubs). And the format is the same. Only now, the two finalists get a pair of marquee bowl match-ups instead of one = $$$.

The number four-ranked team will face number one and number two will face number three at the Rose Bowl and Sugar Bowl on Jan. 1. The final will be Jan. 12 at the Dallas Cowboys’ AT&T stadium.

But if you look above to the history of the BCS, the problems didn’t arise from the pairing of teams in the one through four slots, it came from everywhere else. Bowls skipping over worthy schools and bidding others with more money, bigger alumni bases or a conference cache; big-program coaches launching campaigns for their schools to leapfrog or upend smaller-conference challengers with better records; coaches forced to run up the score to mesh with the computer’s algorithm for purported excellence and idle schools leapfrogging schools who lost their conference championships—penalties for playing in to a playoff.

I’m not the only one who wishes all of the Fab Four were still around or who thinks the Dow above 17,000 is not to be trusted or that a two-game playoff can’t hide an at-best unsustainable and at worst criminally flawed system that colludes the NCAA with its biggest football brands. There are others. “If we’re going to go anywhere,” former Big 12 commissioner Dan Beebe told the New York Times recently, “I’d rather go back to the old bowl system.”

Seems like an 85-percent success rate is pretty hard to beat after all.