Warriors put on a clinic in Sunday hangover basketball at Staples

Looks like another perfect day…

By Andrew J. Pridgen

Nobody looks good playing hungover. And the weary road Warriors, who’ve only tipped off twice in the confines of the Coliseum since February 9 (think of it this way, Prince has had more appearances on their home court in that time) looked every bit the team who’d forgotten to take a pre-emptive Aquafina & Alka-Selzer after the after party at the Chateau Marmont, much less remove their warm-ups through three quarters.

In the fourth, as the Warriors’ starters shook out the cobwebs and started to text about a brunch spot in Silver Lake Echo Park, the reserves of both squads were mopping up what paper is the most lopsided victory by an underdog in well, maybe ever. In spite of schedule makers’ incessant showcasing of its favorite bauble around the league, the Warriors came in at 55-5. The Lakers were 12-51. It was sports’ equivalent of having your Civic rear-ended and totaled by a hit-and-running ‘57 Ferrari 335S.

It’s worth noting that on the home stretch of his victory lap, Kobe Bryant got to say goodbye to the team from the north that originally picked Todd Fuller over him in 1996—the same team he had more ownership over than Chris Cohen for the majority of his career—his way.

It won’t reflect in the box score, Kobe only had 12 and sat most of the fourth, but there was a telling play near the end of the first half that underscored the notion that it would be the Lakers’ day. And not just because it was enough to get Jack out of his seat for the first time in three seasons.

Kobe D’d up Steph Curry with under a minute left. Curry, licking his chops like any MVP in his prime would against the lion who’s been left behind by the pride, took the bait and decided to let Kobe implement his iso game the way he had that defined, and almost ruined, professional basketball in this hemisphere for a decade and a half. As the rest of the floor went over to catch a better glimpse of Rihanna’s choker, Curry head faked once, twice, went behind the legs, once, twice—rolled his shoulders like he was going to drive then signature drop-stepped back about five feet behind the arc.

Kobe didn’t bite.

Curry heaved a shot, the ball clanged off the side iron and Kobe, not used to not getting the call—ever, was whistled. Curry went to the line, obliging with three free throws. But the crowd reaction—the majority of whom were more curious about this passing comet that is Curry and co—was muted. Kobe had done his job. He’d done it well. And for the record, up to his final moments in battle, he is playing with heart.

The Laker faithful, many of whom have watched their former greats march up to Oakland to help orchestrate professional sports’s current most compelling movement: Luke Walton (Warriors’ assistant coach and winner of two Laker rings and a likely candidate to replace Byron Scott next year on the sideline), Steve Nash (erstwhile point guard and special dribbling and shooting envoy for Golden State), Klay Thompson (the goatee’d half of the Splash Brothers and son of the Showtime Laker Bahamian bandit and current color guy Mychal) and The Logo, kingmaker emeritus Jerry West, whose role with the Warriors as Executive Board Member over the last half-decade has been clandestine, if not emblematic.

All were in attendance either on the court, sideline or in the second row next to Ty Burrell in his Newsies cap Sunday—all rooting for the dark blue jerseys.

Little did they know the real show was to be put on by the Lakers’ last few year’s draft picks. Gone like the memory of morning coffee during an early meeting bathroom break are the Lakers’ dynasty transition team straight outta Washington General central casting: Kent Bazemore, Jordan Farmer, MarShon Brooks, Xavier Henry, Jordan Hill, Wesley Johnson, Ryan Kelly and Chris Kaman.

Instead there was Jordan Clarkson, scoring 25 and playing better defense than the OJ Team alongside soon-to-be-anointed D’Angelo Russell who added 21 points and five assists to cap off his torch-carrying campaign that has been going on since the All-Star Break. The Lakers guards also pulled a neat trick and, the Kobe incident in the first half notwithstanding, double-teamed Curry on nearly every possession. Gregg Popovich will be reviewing this game film for the next 90 days.

Sure, the Warriors aren’t always going to bless their opponents with 20 turnovers and 13 percent shooting from downtown, and you could almost see the creased ones earmarked for Bare Elegance LAX streaming behind them. But the record will reflect it was the Lakers who looked fresher than a fried-egg sandwich from Huckleberry…giving Kobe and the suddenly resurgent Lakers one last thing to tweet about this season—and something to look forward to next.

Pints and Picks Week 3: The Mormons love LA and Heineken brings its end-of-wedding-reception skunkiness to the microbrew masses

Each week, during college football season DPB’s Kyle Magin and Andrew J. Pridgen pour on the prose with Pints and Picks™. Who to wager and what to drink while doing it. Here, the boys are talking about Mormons gone Hollywood, Randy Newman’s ironic love for LA and how that microbrew you’re drinking is made in the same vat as that Colt 45—works every time.

Here, ready to throw for 4,200 (words)…Kyle Magin

AJ,

Sit down and strap the hell in. College football embarks on its first real batshit weekend of the season Saturday. In a microcosm of the sport itself, the week 3 punctuation mark lands in the Rose Bowl with BYU’s visit to UCLA.

It’s pretty intoxicating for the city to be the epicenter of college football–USC is home against Stanford, meaning two top-10 teams and three top-25 teams will play in LA Saturday. As the NFL closes in on the city, it sort of feels like one last garden party before the new, tricked-out pool with a swim-up bar and loud music comes to the back yard. Even if it’s stupid nostalgia and the football factories in Westwood and South LA are every bit as greedy and consuming as any pro franchise, it’s comforting to know the city’s best will be lacing them up for coeds and aging alums in historic venues rather than CEOs and brawlers in a Jerry World knockoff.

And, AJ, speaking of coeds, Song Girls or the UCLA cheer squad? I’ve been studying photos all week and can’t decide. I have a natural antipathy to SC because they’re SC–home of drunk Sark and OJ and the Bush Push and, maybe worst of all, SC fans. This will require at least a few more hours of deliberation. I’ve ordered some posters to enter into evidence.

In the meantime, my only real bitch about week 3 is the slow start. The 9 a.m. PST games are a bore–the kegs n’ eggs matchup in College Station between A&M and Nevada might hold the most interest with Wolf Pack headman Brian Polian returning to take on his mentor in the Aggies’ Kevin Sumlin at Kyle Field. That’s a stretch though. I know they’re competitors, but do CBS and NBC really need to run Auburn-LSU and Georgia Tech-Notre Dame opposite one another in the 12:30 PST slot? Game theory, gents, Game Theory.

Alright, AJ, over to you…

Kyle,

I was going to hit you with my Newmanesque (Randy, not Paul) love for LA and why it is the center of my sporting universe, but instead—a housekeeping item:

The prominent pachyderm in the place comes in the form of mostly ignoring the pints section of this featurette thus far this season (both on the page and in the podcast). Also apologies for the alliteration. To me the whole craft brew age has, like the city of Yorba Linda, been swallowed up with corporate intent and now suffers under the tyranny of greed. Beer fanboys who started brewing in their kitchens as far back as the early ‘90s are now seen as cash cow saviors for the shrinking macro-brew industry.

Last week my hometown brewery Lagunitas, once famous for its Undercover Investigation Shut-Down ale—named after a 2005 marijuana bust at the local plant during its legendary Friday afternoon tasting/release parties, not only announced it’s opening a second plant, LA and a third, Chicago, by 2017—but it’s also doing so after having partnered with a foreign skunk beer baddie. More on that in a sec. Lagunitas produced 600k barrels of beer last year, up from 400k in 2013 and will eclipse a million next year. They are the sixth-largest “micro” in the US and so…it was only a matter of time before the brewery that has sponsored every last trip to the bar at the end of the wedding reception—Heineken—would jump at a chance to merge.

While the macro-brew industry has shrunk about 5 percent each year for the past decade, mega craft brewing has swelled about 25 percent year over year for the past half decade. It is currently a $20 billion enterprise domestically and the big guys are no longer eschewing IBUs and hand-drawn labels.

Whether it’s 10 Barrel Brewing Co. in Bend (InBev snapped up ‘em last year) or surfer-bro-crafted Saint Archer out of San Diego (MillerCoors gulped them down in August), the foamy fringe is getting scooped up faster than drunk girls outside the club at 2 a.m. by a recently dumped Uber driver.

Others, Utah’s Uinta (The Riverside Company), Atlanta’s SweetWater brewing (TSG Consumer partners) and Colorado’s can-generation OGs Oskar Blues (Boston’s Fireman Capital Partners), went the private equity route.

My current backyard big craft player, Paso Robles-based Firestone Walker Brewing Co., New York’s Ommegang and Kansas City’s Boulevard Brewing all recently fell to Belgium’s Duvel Moortgat.

Add ‘em up and you’ve got very few options left on the store shelf that are still in classic single proprietor/beer-lover/maker mode.

Lagunitas owner Tony Magee, self-appointed spokesman of the basement bro brewer generation, once decried similar sell-outs. “If you look at the biggest American brewers, they are owned by bankers now,” he said last year in an interview.

Now he and his craft ale—are part of the problem.

Kyle, other than New Belgium (employee owned), Eugene, Oregon’s Ninkasi which recently told Anheuser-Busch to fuck off, and a handful of plucky winners: Alibi in your own four-season playground comes to mind as does BarrelHouse on the Central Coast and Point Loma-based Modern Times—there isn’t much left that isn’t brewed in the same factories and vats as your pop’s old Michelob in the sexy curvy bottle with the enticing gold foil.

That’s why, in honor of my father and every macro-micro brew this week, I am going to kick it full-time live with some good old-fashioned Michelob Lager. The Lincoln to Budweiser’s Ford, it’s smooth and malty sweet. You can drink a dozen and avoid a hangover with a handful of 3 a.m. Totino’s Pizza Rolls and you will never, ever—get a sideways glance for rolling up your sport coat sleeves and belting out the fact that tonight, tonight, tonight…it’s on when there’s a Michelob in your hand.

Fear not, the pints part of us will never go away, intrepid window monkeys. Drinking foamy malted goodness goes with gambling and good decision-making like Johnny Depp goes with guyliner. So, as good book placement goes, we’ll never be too far from the taps at the bar.

OK Kyle, cheers to that. And I’ll see you on the other side of this swill with my marquee pick: Cal v. Texas.

AJ,

And a hearty cheers to you. TBH, I’m not a great beer expert, so that may be why the ‘pints’ portion of our eponymous post pales in comparison to the picks (I see your alliteration and raise you.)  I have recently been inundated with Founder’s All Day IPA at multiple summer weddings. It’s perhaps the most accurately-named microbrew in existence and doesn’t rely on any fart-sniffing punnery to get it done. You can literally drink All Day from cocktail hour to last call before you scamper off to the bathroom because they’re playing a slow song and you’re too sweaty to convince another wedding guest to slowly turn in circles with you. The offering from Grand Rapids, Michigan’s Founder’s brewery combines the things you really like about an IPA–a little bitter with a nice citrus pop and light flavor–without any discernible aftertaste. That’s exactly what makes it dangerous, it’s buttoned-up enough to make you think you’re safe, then you’re teaching your mom and aunt how to whip it and nae nae on the dance floor. Celebrate All Day, but in moderation and carefully-chosen company.

Speaking of carefully-chosen, that’s pretty much exactly the opposite of BYU’s schedule (I give that transition a 6.5) this season. Look at this and tell me a half-hearted masochist didn’t put it together:

@Nebraska, vs. Boise State, @UCLA, @Michigan, vs. UConn, vs. East Carolina, vs. Cincy, vs. Wagner, @San Jose State, @Mizzou, vs. Fresno State, @Utah State.

No sane coach would purposefully schedule his lads to play four bowl contenders (without a bye) including three on the road to open the season. No respectable program would force its fans to watch four straight snoozers at home to follow that up. The back third of the schedule is the only part that kinda makes sense once you get past defending SEC East champs Missouri taking a whack at the Cougars late in the season. I’d launch into my ‘going independent was a roundly stupid decision by Mormon U’ screed but it wouldn’t land because through two games the Cougs have played the schedule like a harp. They took on a B1G west division contender (in fairness, a little girl and her bunny rabbits would be a dark horse there) and came out with a Hail Mary win, then did the same in Provo. Winning two games in the first four looked damn near impossible at the start of the season, and now the Tanner Mangum-led Cougs are a respectable loss away from being a slight dog to a slight favorite in Ann Arbor in two weeks. Hell of a sport.

Now, I realize that ‘respectable loss’ is anything but a guarantee. UCLA is likely this win away from being the most-buzzed about team in the country and could roll over BYU to make the point with panache. That said, the Cougars have seen it before. They went to Lincoln. They took out a Boise team under the lights with a redshirt freshman leading the way. UCLA owned an increasingly-desperate looking Virginia Cavaliers team at home and then shot over to UNLV to roll up the Rebs in front of a pretty Bruin-friendly crowd. If BYU’s fans show up like they’re saying they will in the Rose Bowl, the pressure will rise on true freshman QB Josh Rosen. Let’s do this…

UCLA -17 vs. BYU

Mangum v. Rosen. Mormons v. Hollywood. Throw out those storylines. What this game is really about is a contender in UCLA getting tested for the first time this season and BYU’s ability to draw penalties, bottle up the Bruins’ rushing game and continue to do big things in the pass game. The Cougars’ pass defense has broken so far this season–opponents have done most of their damage against the Cougars through the air with 616 yards and four TDs of the 7 the team has allowed this season, in addition to passes accounting for 29 of the 42 first downs BYU has allowed. Their neat trick has been staying just ahead of their opponents through the air, averaging 15.3 yards per catch to 12 for opponents. Part of that is the two Hail Marys, but part is Mangum and his predecessor’s ability to find the open man underneath. Staying ahead of Rosen won’t be easy, though. The Bruins have allowed just 147 yards per game through the air this season. They’ve allowed only one through the air, and exactly none on the ground. Opponents convert just 21 percent of their third downs, and only 1 red zone trip has resulted in an enemy touchdown. If you score on UCLA, keep the ball, because it hasn’t happened often this season. A lot in me wants to say 17 is a helluva lot of points to cover for a team who hasn’t seen much competition this season against a team that’s seen nothing but. However, I think the Cougars’ number comes up in the Rose Bowl this weekend. Rosen may be the bark, but his defense, led by linebacker Miles Jack, is the bite.

Alright AJ, before I take a look at the action in South Bend, Baton Rouge and Tuscaloosa, I believe you have some very definite thoughts on the action in Austin?

Kyle,

People forget that Cal once featured Aaron Rodgers under center. Cal once had Marshawn Lynch bringing his Beast Mode science project from Oakland Tech and adding signature dredlocks just up the road at Memorial Stadium. Cal’s DeSean Jackson and Keenan Allen ran post patterns all the way down to Fat Slice, handed their change to the guy on Tele and Haste busking Dylan to a hip hop beat and made it back up to the stadium in time solve the Bears’ perennial 3rd and 23 woes. All Nnamdi Asomugha did was change the DB position forever and put a ring on Kerry Washington. And GOAT TE Tony Gonzalez once posted up for PG Jason Kidd and caught out routes in blue and gold. Your Golden Bears have informed or at least provided about a half dozen names for the backs of the NFL Shop’s top jersey sellers for the better part of this millenia and yet, the program gets about as much love as Chaz Bono at a Chick-fil-a.

Why dredge up the past you may ask Kyle? It’s because exactly NONE of the above and their respective Cal squads would’ve been given less than double-digit underdog odds marching into Darrel K Royal. And being on the minus side would simply have been…oh, about as likely as winning as many national titles as they have Nobel Prizes.

Indeed, these are heady times for the Golden Bears.

Cal -6½ @ Texas

As the Bears board Southwest for Austin, they are 6½ -point favorites which is more than enough to hang the cost of a case of Shiner and a pound of brisket on. But before I dive into the match-up, I should also disclose that Cal has been my horse since pre-season when I picked Sonny Dykes’ squad to win more than their predicted 6½ before the leaves in Strawberry Canyon change.

I took the Bears game one and two and they’re perfect against the spread thus far. When I glance down the remainder of their 2015 dance card, I don’t see a major test till Oct. 22 at UCLA. So, I think with the spread less than a touchdown—even on the road—bookmakers are still trying to figure out whether Cal is for real.

The answer: yes.

Here’s why:

• Cal players are all kinds of bought-in to Sonny Dykes’ approach. Dykes falls from the gnarled Mike Leach (Texas Tech) and Mike Stoops (Arizona) branch of the coaching tree so he’s equal parts innovation, hubris and unapologetic. He’s probably the coach Oregon needs and Stanford wants but wouldn’t (pun not intended) stoop to. What the Bears get is a fearless and borderless recruiter and a little bit of a bullshitter. It’s not necessarily a sustainable model but it’s the model you want when you’re trying to a) turn a program around through recruiting b) graduate some kids (Cal, the most venerable public institution in the US, had the worst athlete/graduation ratio in the land as recently as 2013—Dykes was charged with changing this and succeeded) and c) have a game-day motivator. He’s also very level-headed and complementary to the opposition but in a back-handed way the way most Pac-12 coaches (who are either on their way up or down and are mostly on the spectrum) are not. Dykes this week on Texas coaching staff and redshirt QB Jerrod Heard: “They have a lot of good football coaches and bright minds on their staff. They made the switch to Heard; he’s a dynamic playmaker, very fast in the open field. You have to do a good job keeping lanes, pursuing, maintaining leverage.” Dykes is a master at using that coaches trick of giving more credit than where credit is due. But, again, his players BUY into that kind of bullshit. It’s like he baits them into thinking they’re the underdog all week and switches it up in the locker room at game time. That’s some SEC-style motivation right there, a first from the confines surrounding People’s Park but a welcome respite from the dreary culture of losing that has thrived in the shadow of the Campanile for the last decade.
• Goff is starting happen. Junior Cal quarterback Jared Goff is starting to get the inevitable Aaron Rodgers comparisons. Kyle, I’ll take full credit for first placement of this reference from our last podcast and though it’s not quite there yet, at least Vance Bedford, UT’s seasoned-as-a-salt-lick defensive coordinator is prepping for the second-coming this week. “This young man is the real deal. This young man exceptional.” Indeed, Goff has NFL draft boards shuffling as he completed 41 of 56 passes for 630 yards, six touchdowns and two interception thus far this year. More importantly, he dug Cal out of a minor funk against San Diego State last week to dominate the last three quarters of play. Coming from behind is an increasingly less-familiar task for Goff who finally has the front five protection he was missing in his first two campaigns. If he makes a splash in that sea of burnt orange, look for Cal to suddenly start finding their schedule loaded with TBAs, especially during those back-to-back LA matchups at the end of October.
• Texas is still marinating. I don’t buy the line that Texas is in a transition year as much as they seemed to be in Notre Dame. However, they do still need some extra time for those burnt ends to come up just right and the Craigslist post for a new AD this week is proof of this. Charlie Strong’s horns are still down 10 starters from last season and the defense is more suspect than Bartolo Colon’s listed age. The horns are allowing 500 (plus) yards per for its first two efforts. Goff, as mentioned, has enough in that right arm of his to double his stat line for ‘15 on Saturday and still have plenty to decry Whole Foods’ crimes against shopping humanity in the post game. Strong is making moves that connote his surname: The aforementioned Heard looks like the strongest under center for Bevo and co. since Colt McCoy and was masterful in the second half last week against Rice. So there is hope for the horns and not just because it’s still six months from when Austin becomes Normandy on Douchebag D-Day (aka SXSW)…but saying they’re there now, especially when they’re not holding, is a damn dirty lie.

Take Cal and make your day’s wages by bumping the line to an even 10.

Kyle…let’s keep it going:

AJ,

I, too, am wondering if there wasn’t a little more than meets the eye in that Texas-ND matchup, but with the other contestant…

Georgia Tech @ Notre Dame +2.5

If the Texas game was the marquee party on Notre Dame’s home dance card this season, Georgia Tech is perhaps the marquee game. Those nerds from Atlanta aren’t known for their fan base’s ability to travel, but they are known for their triple-option rushing attack, which has resulted in a passel of video game numbers in their tilts versus Alcorn State and Tulane to open the season. They’ve already rushed for 915 yards, 15 rushing TDs (versus 4 passing) and 41 rushing first downs. Granted, they haven’t racked up those totals against even mildly imposing defenses, but at a certain point, just executing a game plan that would result in those numbers against anyone more advanced than your local charter school’s squad is pretty damn impressive. The Rambling Wreck’s defense has been nearly as flawless in its ability to shut down opposing offenses. Here’s the rub, though: Notre Dame has some very definite ideas about time of possession. In wins over Texas and Virginia, the 2-0 Irish have averaged nearly 33 minutes per game of TOP as opposed to Tech’s 31. This comes from a team that rushes about half as much and passes twice as much. With a freshman signal caller in the fold in DeShone Kizer, look for Notre Dame to stoke the fires on its successful but less-used running game in this matchup and potentially into the future. If the Irish can win the line of scrimmage on offense, it limits the damage Tech can do with its offense and begins to test a defense that hasn’t been pushed around yet this season. Kizer throws an absolutely beautiful deep ball and he’s got a receiving corps that can go up and get it. Add in the home-cooking in South Bend and I think you see the Irish cover ATS and win at home.

Ole Miss @ Alabama -7

Ole Miss is likely the faster, more explosive of these two 2-0 squads. They average almost 3 more yards per catch and have offensive lineman who are routinely into the second level on rushing plays where the more staid Tide hogs stay home. Ole Miss has converted more third downs into first downs, red zone trips and turnovers into touchdowns than the Tide have this season. They put up 149 fourth quarter points to ‘Bama’s 72. Unfortunately for them, Alabama has been in one fistfight against an actual team (a week 1 win over Wisconsin), is at home and has Nick Saban patrolling their sideline. Tide running back Derrick Henry averages 7.8 yards per carry to lead an Alabama attack that controls the ball for four more minutes per game than their opponents. Saban is a master of taking the air out of the building and rarely allows opponents the space to make a big, game-changing play. Look for a low-scoring affair with the Tide covering.

Auburn @ LSU -7

Chalk. Also, Auburn is 0-2 ATS and has been pushed hard by the likes of Louisville and Jacksonville State. LSU has already been through the fire in a week 1 victory over Mississippi State and a much, much better QB in Dak Sheppard. Geaux Tigers and the points.

Alright AJ, bring us home

Texas A&M -10 vs. Nevada

Scanning the lines Kyle, I can’t imagine why A&M isn’t closer to 17-point favorites. Seems like Vegas isn’t wanting to doubt the still-in-need-of-a-toe-hold Wolfpack too much; nor are they admitting A&M could win the SEC West (I happen to think they’re better top-to-bottom than Ole Miss and LSU; then again, I think BYU is too).

Facts ‘r facts though and I’d take A&M to put up a two-digit lead on the Wolfpack before halftime if you wanna double up on this bet. Nevada usually sneaks up on one team a year (remember when they took Boise State out of BCS title contention in 2010?) but don’t look for that to happen in College Station this week as the Wolfpack offense is simply a one-man show. QB Tyler Stewart throws 200-plus per game, but most of those yards come from his second or third option underneath. The Wolfpack receiving corps should be easy for venerable Aggie DBs to contain and there’s no run game to prevent a bevy of three-and-outs. And if that’s not enough to convince Stewart he’s his own one-man wolfpack, think about the havoc 6-foot-1, 335 pound Texas A&M defensive tackle Daylon Mack is going to create. That’s the same future first rounder who chased a Ball State running back 30 yards downfield last week—and made a tackle. Oye.

On offense, the Aggies came out firing against Arizona State and basically showed up like a guy pounding beers in a sauna—depleted but inspirational—against Ball State to run to a quick 2-0 record. As their ground game keeps plugging look for another freshman, wideout Christian Kirk, who was targeted a dozen times against ASU and another eight against Ball State to stand out. It seems speedy youngsters will be giving the Wolf Pack fits on both sides of the ball Saturday.

A&M should be loving it like all-day McDonald’s breakfast as this is their last dress rehearsal before a SEC schedule that doesn’t relent until Western Carolina the week before Thanksgiving.

Utah -10 @ Fresno State

If only the cartographers of the Pac 12 knew which way was north they’d find that Utah is well above Cal and Stanford while flipping through the old Thomas Guide. But there they the Utes are, stuck in the division’s dominant south bracket trying to make a run against suddenly unstoppable UCLA and USC.

But it’s also the 21st ranked Utes that are the dark horse to run that schedule in my mind. Fresno State is the Salt Lake squad’s final test before getting dumped into Eugene next weekend. And it’s this Valley dress rehearsal that will determine how next week’s line shakes down for the Ducks. My guess is it’ll be less than seven on the minus pending the Ducks having to struggle against Georgia State (they will, take GSU and the 10) this weekend.

But let’s do what head coaches say and not get ahead of ourselves: Utah will likely have a mirror game to last season’s 59-37 victory against the Bulldogs. Why? The Bulldogs thus far have had the fewest first down conversions from third and more than five in college football this season. Not a telling or a fully cooked stat, but after seeing Utah’s DB’s on hard-core lockdown the likes of which haven’t been seen since Money Train (<–this year’s first Money Train reference) things don’t look to get any easier for Fres-yes fans. Last week when Ole Miss put up 73, the Bulldogs had a third and ten or more yards seven times and converted none. They were five of 15 overall on third down.

“A lot of our first downs were for zero,” Fresno State HC Tim DeRuyter said. “Now they’re able to pin their ears back and tee off. If you’re behind the sticks like we were, against a really good defense like Utah’s, you’re going to have a long evening. We have to be productive on first down.”

Sounds like DeRuyter has his Per Diem on the Utes as well.

The only reason this spread isn’t 20-plus is because they’re at Fresno State which is just like Utah only they’ve got higher-point Goose Island on tap at East Shaw Avenue Buffalo Wild Wings. Otherwise, both teams still practice under blankets of smog. Look then, for the Utes to make themselves at home in the Valley this weekend and win by at least 20.

PNP Recap:

Kyle:

Last week: 3-1

Overall: 4-8

UCLA -17 vs. BYU

Georgia Tech @ Notre Dame +2.5

Ole Miss @ Alabama -7

Auburn @ LSU -7

AJ:

Last week: 2-2

Overall: 5-8

Cal -6½ @ Texas

Texas A&M -10 vs. Nevada

Utah -10 @ Fresno State

A new day in LA is a new day in America.

With one simple but unexpected decision yesterday, America felt the end of one of its most oppressive eras

By Andrew Pridgen

Did you hear the news? Did you see it?

Did you feel it?

Yesterday, the banner of oppression innocuously floated down from the rafters and the flag of equality was draped over the shoulders of all who’d fought so hard and loved so much in ignominy for so long.

#lovewins trended—became a thing.

A #realthing.

It wasn’t a unanimous decision, not by any accounts. There’s hand-wringing and self-absorbed diatribe which will surely live in the annals of history as a man out of step with the moment—placed on this earth at the precise wrong time in the name of doing good but instead scorching everything in his wake.

His kicking and screaming and fabricated self-deprecation and dominance ruled for years, created and destroyed dynasties—crumbled kingdoms.

And reign would have no end.

Until yesterday.

Until they finally did it.

They finally said enough.

The Buss family put an end to the Kobe Bryant administration.

And the palm trees swayed and the sun peeked seductively through the apartment blinders and phone calls could be heard with clarity once more even though the convertible top is down.

Randy Newman sang it from the rooftops: He loves it. He loves it. He. Loves. It.

The cracked and forgotten aqueducts were flooded with a sea of unfettered happiness and the proles who’ve waited nearly two decades for the end of this regime poured themselves into the streets; screaming, dancing, laughing—the end of tyranny and the beginning of, well, something.

The Lakers, with the ping pong ball bouncing their way in May, were blessed with the number two pick in the 2015 NBA draft. Those who watch the revitalized run, pass and shoot league with fervor (<-This Guy) would be interested in the draft for the first time, in, I don’t know—since 1984 when Sam Bowie became his generation’s Ruth-to-the-Yankees for $125k.

Were it still Kobe’s team, the Lakers would have taken Duke superfrosh Jahlil Okafor; someone to sneak down low and wait for an offensive board after one of Kobe’s 30-something 28-footer attempts to bang off the Staples scoreboard and clang the back rim.

One more chance for the man in the 24 jersey be the man and the Lakers turned to to scratch their way back to middle-of-the-pack relevance, perhaps an 8 seed, in the West.

But that didn’t happen.

Instead, the most storied franchise on the West Coast and the only team in the world which can dim the house lights nightly to make those yellow warmups shine brighter than Paula Abdul’s smile, decided to leave the past in the detritus of forgotten headlines, cheesy pseudo-documentaries; the fake smile and the dust in the trophy case.

They chose D’Angelo Russell.

Russell is the future, now.

He’s a true guard who plays bigger than he is. He distributes with impunity. He craves the ball in crunch time. He steps most sure when the lights are brightest. He’s mastered the pick and roll and he (starts and) finishes in transition.

If you’re looking at basketball’s blueprint for the next decade, Russell is the coffee cup ring staining the middle.

Second-year guard Jordan Clarkson will be Russell’s second in command. Lakers’ GM Mitch Kupchak will likely try to bring in Kevin Love (the LA native fits the Lakers like a bespoke three-piece) or LaMarcus Aldridge to add a little heft and sway.

And now you’ve got a team that can run, that can play big or small and can re-engage the Laker faithful and finally put to rest this whole Clippers debate.

Nevertheless, one man will be left on the wing. Clapping for the ball. Wondering where it all went. Do the 33,000 points matter? Do the five titles matter? Do the million jerseys sold matter?

Yes. Yes it all does. Kobe’s achievements, while never breathtaking, are noteworthy. He is the bridge between the future Jordan did portend and the actualization of it in today’s crop of shooters, scorers, defenders and role players—teams that play together, win together. Kobe made the game his during the NBA’s dark ages. Or maybe it was the dark ages because the game was about Kobe.

That will be for history to decide…starting now.

Because Kobe’s time has passed. It’s over for good.

And #lovewins again.

 

Pints and Picks Week 4: No bye week for bad bets

Each week DPB’s Kyle Magin and Andrew J. Pridgen will pour on the prose with Pints and Picks™. Who to wager and what to drink while doing it. Here then, is their point-counterpoint for Sept 27, 2014. Or, if you’re in the car, simply scroll down for the recap (they may be verbose, but it’s better than clicking through a slideshow).

AJ: Kyle, why are there bye weeks in college football? I mean, I get why they’re there in the NFL—basically an opportunity to get arrested in the club and for the league to fuck with fantasy owners who deserve to be fucked with. But there’s no reason for this in college other than maybe to see what FCS campus gets the biggest spike in date rape and frat house electronics raids over the idle weekend.

I only ask this because bye weeks in college used to not exist and now that they do, it brings an even bigger air of “professionalism” (air quotes) and indentured servitude to the amateur gridiron ranks. If the NCAA said, “We schedule bye weeks around midterms because academics” I’d be good with that. Happy even. But the real reason is to stretch out the post-season and turn college football into a 20-week endeavor (i.e. almost two-thirds the academic year) for the almighty bottom line—of which the athletes themselves see not a penny (and that’s where the lap top thefts come in).

Since you’re pretty good about finding out the why of things the way I’m good at identifying the season of Magnum PI (and episodes) where he tries to track down the ghost of his allegedly deceased wife, let me know if you know.

Otherwise, I take it now that you’re off the schneid you’re not taking a bye this week.

Me, I’m still trying to feel this week out like a Junior High dance. There’s no match up that stands out as a stone cold lock; and it has to be watchable to be (not a word: betable). <-One of my cardinal rules—the other is to never trust a Yelp reviewer whose mouth is wide open on their profile photo.

For now, a couple quick comments:

• Why is Wyoming traipsing around the country in pursuit of getting bitch-slapped? Is it like an anything-is-better-than-staying-home-and-risk-getting-shot-in-the-face-by-Dick-Cheney thing? First Oregon and now Michigan State? It kind of reminds me of those Pat Hill-era Fresno State teams which burned through their Southwest miles to go get rolled up by the SEC and ACC and Big-10 before limping back to the parched Valley and dominating, um, Wyoming …and most of the rest of the Mountain West. To be fair, Wyoming does have a slightly guttier squad than they originally got credit for (think corn snow-fed defense) and should give Sparty fits for at least a quarter or two. If you can get a first-half prop bet for the Cowboys at +10 or above, that’s better odds than your drunk-as-fuck out-of-town guest trying to pull a credit card advance on the gaming floor.

• Missouri on the road at South Carolina getting only 6.5. The Gamecocks are hotter than a rescue pit mix locked in a ’93 Aerostar in the parking lot of the Piggly Wiggly since forgetting Manziel was in the NFL and dropping their opener against Texas A&M. The Cocks have won three straight and Missouri is reeling from what should’ve amounted to a midweek January stumble on the hardcourt to the Hoosiers at home last week. Can Mizzou regroup or will South Carolina’s Mike Davis and Brandon Wilds harass QB Maty Mauk who already has four ints to go with 14 teeders …and, you know what, this spread sucks. Fuck this game.

…I’m going to pause right there and say I was running some errands with a buddy during the lunch hour today (he’s planning a birthday party for a one-year-old which basically means crappy burgers, a weird sheet cake that is actually just flypaper with white frosting and a couple of fifths because apparently one is too young to remember seeing your folks and their friends black out) and we ended up at Costco. Still $1.50 for a polish and a soda.

The thing is, we were the only sub-octagenarains dining there. All these Burns-postured McMurphys who’d escaped from “Serene Gardens” next door were gumming on these intestines and entrails pressed into a tube while gangsta leaning off their Rascals made me wonder: Do the old folks know something I don’t? Like, If I have one meal left, it’s gotta be Costco (because it is glorious, especially when you remember to ask for the slaw) or does it just kill a lot of time to try to gum down a dog the size of your shriveled and veiny neck midday on a weekday when you’re at the station of life when time, quite literally, can’t go any slower—and yet, you don’t have much of it left.

I guess what I’m really trying to say is, I just have a lot more questions than answers this week.

Kyle? You there? You still reading?

Kyle: AJ, the middle school dance analogy couldn’t be more apt. I have an overwhelming urge to skip this week completely and tell all of our readers I was off doing some really cool stuff. In reality, I’ll probably be reading Madeleine L’Engle and trying to stay up for MadTV and hope my father (who, coincidentally, is visiting this weekend) doesn’t come out and turn it off when they swear for like the only time in the whole show.

MadTV featured the stylings of Michael McDonald (not this one, not that one, this one), a USC alum, and that’s my segue into talking about one of the only games that probably matter this weekend. With no ranked matchups, it’s going to be interesting to watch Oregon State-SC (-9) in the sense that it’ll be interesting to see your neighbor walk out the door with his 14-year-old dog tomorrow. Hey, still on the right side of the dirt, eh Fido?

The 2-1 Trojans are a technically, I suppose, still in the playoff race. Stanford exposed SC’s inability to get anything done in the red zone with a run game that’s hampered when it doesn’t have room to breath in a game the Trojans won 13-10. Boston College pantsed SC’s run defense in a 37-31 victory on Chestnut Hill. Both of these tell me the men of Troy aren’t yet sound in their line play. Mike Riley’s Beavers aren’t very good at running the ball on aggregate—they’re 91st in rushing in the nation—but in the first quarter, few offenses are as effective at running and passing the ball as 3-0 Oregon State, who put up more points early (10.5) than every other team in the Pac 12 North. If they can kick the Trojans’ line in the teeth early, I think OSU Quarterback Sean Mannion can play keep-up with a very potent SC passing attack.

Surveying the rest of the college football landscape leaves that bye week to be desired.

American Conference favorite Cincinnati visits Ohio State as a 15.5-point dog, and that’s halfway intriguing. Looking at the rest of this schedule is sort of like looking at the area surrounding Charleton Heston after that ship crashed in the first Planet of the Apes. Guess we’ll have to get walking.

AJ: Kyle, nice call on bringing the pops to town during the week of bettors doldrums. Now, instead of sitting indoors and inhaling the second-hand smoke of the sports book, the two of you can ramble around the Sierras inhaling the first-hand smoke of arsonists.

I think we agree this is a trap week as far as NCAA wagering goes. None of the spreads seem at all enticing and, as you pointed out, the dearth of compelling matchups (besides conference-centric spoiler games like Stanford at U-Dub) make this the week to take a BCS breather—and set the crosshairs on October baseball.

Namely Mr. Magin, the prospect of four very disparate and very under-(over?)achieving-for-different-reasons West Coast franchises making it to the playoffs.

It’s a Freaky Friday moment for baseball West of Lovelock. You’ve got the perennial lovable A’s who went out and made a splash at the trade deadline, only to wallow in the second half like so much locker room sludge through the AL West with dead arms and a listless clubhouse en route to a wildcard berth.

You have the predictably unpredictable Giants across the bridge who had a fiery start and a nine-game lead in May only to lose two-time world champion aces Matt Cain from the starting five (still unknown injury) and Tim Lincecum (still undiagnosed velocity problems) but somehow picked up where Oakland left off and went not with the big trades but with the white-flag youth movement: Hunter Strickland, Chris Hesten, Erik Cordier and even skipper’s son Brett Bochy have all contributed on the mound. Back-up backstop Andrew Susac has been clutch off the bench and in spelling Buster Posey and infielders Joe Panik and Matt Duffy have been key contributors plugging the middle whilst performing at the plate. The suddenly youth-infused G-men didn’t have enough in the tank to catch the boys in blue with the quarter-billion-dollar payroll and the world’s greatest stadium, but they do have a good chance of beating the Pirates in the wildcard sudden-death scenario and finding themselves the object of Joe Buck’s scorn again.

In Southern California, it’s a battle of swollen payrolls and depleting expectations. The Halos, who had all but given up on The Last Investment Albert Pujols till he decided to come out of the orange groves and hit a respectable .273 with 28 bombs and 104 RBIS (and he’s not done yet). Mike Trout is baseball’s lone superstar right now and the singing cowboy’s starting rotation featuring innings eaters Jared Weaver (18-8, 3.52 ERA), CJ Wilson (13-10, 4.61 ERA) and Matt Shoemaker (16/4, 3.04 ERA) suddenly looks like baseball’s best even without the services of Garrett Richards (13-4, 2.61 ERA). The hedge fund-backed Dodgers’ have the best pitcher in baseball in Clayton Kershaw. The once-in-a-generation starter-next-door has mastery of three pitches usually thrown in a way three different pitchers might; fastball, 90-plus, a makes-you-swing-from-the-heels slider in the high-80s and an elevator curve in the mid-70s. It’s like facing vintage Barry Zito, Pedro Martinez and Greg Maddox—in one at-bat. Kershaw recently notched his 20th win, has an ERA under 1.80 and tosses 100-pitch complete game shutouts like Drysdale the get away afternoon after a Saturday night bender. Kershaw alone almost makes one forget that any player who came up under Castro thinks hitting the cut-off man is a Fredo Corleone reference.

You got your Tigs Kyle, but the prospect of not only an all West Coast World series, but LCSs makes me giggle. I know Fox shares Erin Andrews’ resting bitchface scowl when it comes to the knowledge that KC, not NY will be in the playoffs and Mr. Jeter’s farewell bonanza is but a week away from coming to a cleaned-out-locker and teary press conference halt. All that historic footage from the pre-device ’90s shelved for roll out at Cooperstown in 2020. And what the fuck will Ken “He shoulda been-a dentist” Rosenthal talk about as Buck cuts Harold Reynolds off on the cutaways with no DJ?

With that, I’d like to be a sort of World Series wager Sommelier. First off, like a fine wine, many teams age into BETTER odds of winning Bud Selig’s final Commissioner’s Trophy as the season matures. But like your great aunt’s Bradford Exchange plate collection, not all teams go up in value. At the start of the season the last-place Red Sox were 12/1 (ditto Rays). The aforementioned Yankees, who are now 300/1 to take a Champagne bath, started out at 14/1. The Orioles who started the season at 35/1 are now 13/2—not bad for a runaway division champ. And your Motor City hardballers are a solid 6/1. For my money though, I’m liking either the A’s or the Giants at 12/1 to bring the hardware back to the Biggedy. After all, Giants fans, it is an even-numbered year.

Kyle, I know you’re headed out the door to see nature’s splendor with the man who pulled you out of oblivion and plopped you on this big blue-infused chunk of spinning granite, but I KNOW you’re laying down your World Series picks this week… so, (Pacino voice) what’dya got?!

Kyle: AJ, I’ve never been more happy to talk baseball during betting season, a sport I usually avoid at the book like the plague. It will also grease the wheels of conversation with the old man while we’re waiting for his knees to stabilize after I drag him up a few thousand feet above his normal playing altitude.

I, too, think the road to the World Series is definitely coming through California. Too many hardball-related planets are aligning with the Golden State. Dave Stewart is LaRussa’s new lapdog in Arizona. Scully is back again next year! I found out, just this week, that they still have an MLB team in San Diego.

As a Tigers fan, I hate to say it, but the Los Angeles Angels of Disneyland at 9/2 to win the series is the best bet at the book. Jeff Weaver is a horse, Matt Shoemaker has walked one guy for every 9 he’s struck out since the break and Wade Leblanc hasn’t given up a run in his last two starts headed into the postseason. Everybody has been getting on in front of Albert Pujols and he’s been driving all of them in—he’s got roughly an RBI per game over the last month, while Mike Trout continues to ape Barry Bonds with his slugging prowess. Gordon Beckham and Howie Kendrick have gotten on-base as often as anyone in the league over the last month. There’s just no way I see someone getting around this time save some massive power outage from Pujols and Trout.

In the NL—and I know this won’t be popular with much of our readership—I like the Dodgers. I don’t love them at 9/5, but in the “who’s going to win this thing” sense, I think we’re geared up for a freeway series. Which, wow, Randy Newman is going to RAKE royalties from FOX. It’ll make Erin’s Dancing with the Stars schedule manageable—I won’t have to put up with her whiny-ass Instagram posts from a private jet about #grinding from coast to coast.

We’ll get some hoity-toity reminders from the New Yorker about all the poor-ass people who got bulldozed out of Chavez Ravine 60-plus years ago to make way for one of the top-five stadiums in baseball. It’ll be gross and engrossing, all at once.

The Dodgers’ Matt Kemp, Justin Turner, Carl Crawford and Scott Van Slyke have been hitting the living shit out the ball over the last month—all four are in the top-15 of OPS over that stretch. Even with Puig’s second-half power outage, I don’t see how anyone else keeps up with the boys in blue. Selig passes out his last trophy south of the Grapevine.

AJ: Gotta agree it may be Los Doyers’ year and hey that Randy Newman song was supposed to be ironic; like how big a shithole-where-small-town-dreams-go-to-die-with-a-gooey-tarpit-center LA is. It makes me laugh every time the Dodgers notch a W and it bounces off the Hollywood sign and into the night. I love it! I love it! I love it!

Oh, yeah, the Huskies are better than David Shaw’s listless and unproven farm squad. Take the dawgs and the 6 points against the Cardinal (at home!) for a share of the Pac-12 North lead.

The PnP Recap:

Last week:
AJ: 3-3
Kyle: 1-2

Overall:
AJ: 8-12
Kyle: 1-7

This week:
AJ:
• Washington +6 vs. Stanford
• SF Giants (or Oakland A’s) at 12/1 to win the World Series

Kyle:
• Oregon State +12.5 @ USC
• LA Dodgers (9/5) or LA Angels (9/2) to win the World Series

The difference between NBA preseason and playoff games is there’s more commercials

Had Monday’s second division round playoff match-up between the Golden State Warriors and host Los Angeles Clippers of LA at the Lakers’ downtown practice facility been a pre-season walk-through, a recap could have gone something like this:

Clippers’ Kia-jumping side show Blake Griffin can certainly sell jerseys to children who imagine he could paint himself green and make a pretty convincing Hulk for Halloween.

As is, Griffin showed he may also know how to play basketball as he spilled his water all over the listless Warrior starters for 35 points last night. The power forward from the Sooner State didn’t commit a single foul in the backroom casting couch-worthy immediate disrobing of the Northern California franchise as the Clippers sailed to a 138-98 victory.

The Warriors clearly seem to love LA like Randy Newman pretended to in ’83 as the bright lights of Tinseltown have lured the offensive-minded Northern California splash shooters into a roofied-like state of being “lost” at a bar after all your friends have ditched you and you can’t find your phone …on the court.

Similarly to the Walking Dead, whose sound stage is less than a mile from Staples Center, the Warriors meandered through the first three quarters without plot, narrative or clear mission; just enough carnage to keep an audience mildly interested. By the time it was decided and the extras were inserted midway through the third, the Warriors were en route to a 40-point loss and perhaps call for a franchise reboot prior to their home opener Wednesday night.

It will be a long season for the men in blue and gold if Steph Curry decides to score all his points in an eight-minute garbage-timeframe as he did in the third quarter last night (Curry who had 24 scored 20 in the third). Kinks, notably playing basketball at a tempo that is suitable for …the game of basketball, will have to be worked out as the Warriors never closed in on the double-digit Clippers lead spotted to them three minutes after tip.

At one point in the third, Clippers point guard Chris Paul called a time out and offered to let Warriors sort-of center veteran journeyman Jermaine O’Neal (causing most of whatever was left of TNT’s Rizzoli & Isles audience who didn’t already switch over to Dancing with the Stars for Erin Andrews sideline action to say, “so THAT’s where O’Neal ended up this year…”) shoot an uncontested three-pointer “worth 25” from the top of the key, but the refs refused. As it happens, that 25-point gap only grew, so the free shot would’ve been moot.

Showing no signs of rust from the long summer off, the Clippers surgically dismantled the Warriors’ offense and managed to force more turnovers (26) than Cedars Sinai performed tummy tucks Monday evening. On the offensive side of the ball, the ships set sail shooting 57 percent and burying 32 of 35 at the line.

The Clippers pulled all starters in the fourth. Many of whom joined the Warriors front five already Instagramming selfies from Santa Monica Boulevard before reserves could feel the ire of the Dubs’ futility.

The Warriors’ Jordan Crawford came of the bench to shove the Clippers’ Darren Collison with 42 seconds left and was called for a flagrant foul, begging the question: if a flagrant foul is committed in the basic cable forest when nobody is watching, does it actually get called?

The answer is yes.

“We were awful,” Warriors coach Mark Jackson said after the scrum-filled scrimmage. “The way we played in Hollywood today, I had an agent come up to me and say he had a script for a show called the Golden Girl Warriors and ask whether we wanted to shoot a pilot.”

(OK, so we made up the last part of the quote …the rest is true: The Warriors were awful).

…

Now take into consideration Monday night’s game was not, in fact, played in humid Hawaii in mid-August. It was not the neighbor kid fleecing you for double what you owe him to get your mail and water your plants as he goes backdoor all day on you in NBA Live 14. It was, in fact, a playoff game and the first notable lopsided postseason match this season.

Sadly, it may not be an aberration.

During last year’s NBA playoffs, more than a dozen games were decided by the third quarter as double-digit leads turned into sub city. Nine games featured teams wining by more than a 20-point margin, six by more than 25 and one by more than 30.

Though Monday’s Warriors/Clippers “playoff” game is the first such post-season contest in a half-decade to reach the magic 40-point spread, it is possible we will see more in that stratosphere these playoffs, and in ones to come (especially as long as the Heat and Pacers …have to play everyone else in the east.)

Sad but true, Curry post-game towed the league line saying the Warriors “came out with a sense of urgency.” To be fair, he was cut off before he could say what the sense of urgency was for.

My guess is it was something along the lines of:

• Checking out the Truffle Burger at the Umami on North Cahuenga.
• A lap dance, and stuff, for the road at Jet Strip in Inglewood.
• Hitting every stop on the Point Break Map.
• Partying like it’s an episode of Entourage Season 2 with a house specialty cocktail and smog-enhanced gaze at the sun setting over PCH from Skybar.
• TMZ Starline Tour.
• Quick grovel in the Grotto at the crumbling Mansion.
• Burrito de Lengua Con Todo from Tacos La Oaxaqueña.

All of these would have been formidable tasks for the Warrior’s star point guard to complete as the franchise was making its final spin down Sunset for the 2014 campaign.

Curry’s obligatory mouthpiece toss in the third (resulting in his first technical of the season) was perhaps just a show of frustration that he wasn’t going to have time to get his picture next to Matt Damon’s star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame before leaving town.

Try as they may to play a brand of not-quite-ready-for-regular-season basketball, the Warriors are still knotted with the Clips at one for their return to Oracle on Wednesday. Hopefully, by then, the SoCal Spring Break blues will have been vanquished and they can return to playing like their LA-based rivals, showcasing real NBA playoff basketball in three-quarter time for at least a whole half.

The fans deserve as much.